Scorpions will kill you. Don't argue with us, they will. Klaus Meine, the lead singer of the German heavy metal band, is responsible for the deaths of almost 1,000 people alone!
NOTE: Sony Germany?s lawyers have asked us to point out that Klaus Meine has never been convicted of, charged for or even accused of murder. That opening paragraph was just an hilarious joke that we used to indicate the tone of the piece (irreverent/jokey). Although admittedly, the joke only really works if you're familiar with obscure European hair rock bands of the 1980?s. Statistically, our readership profiling research suggests that less than 5% of you will have heard of Scorpions, so that opening really should probably have been rewritten. Come to think of it, this second paragraph explaining the Scorpions reference and then explaining itself also should have been cut.
Who knows? Maybe that Scorpions reference and the second paragraph will get subbed by the editor. In which case this third paragraph here will make no sense. NOTE TO EDITOR: If you're going to cut the first two paragraphs, cut this one as well.
NOTE TO EDITOR: And this one.
In fact, the readership profiling research we had commissioned suggested that less than 5% of you will have even heard of scorpions, the stingy little animal things, so this whole post is pretty much a waste of time.
You want to read about young people?s things, don't you? Not boring old predatory arthropods. You don't care that scorpions are fluorescent, can survive for a year without food or water, that after mating, the pair fight with the winner eating the other or that they are responsible for over 1500 deaths per year.
Our market research tells us that all you lot want to read about is your New Kids On The Block, your Jason Priestleys and your Scatman Johns – all those types.
So, y?know? Sorry and that.
FINAL NOTE TO EDITOR: Shall I ditch this and do something about Kim Kardashian?s tits or something instead?
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Steve Charnock says
Best fucking blog I’ve ever read.
TrailerTrash says
Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.
Ebent says
You made the damn blog