It Will Kill You: Polar Bear
April 29th, 2008 at 13:00 by Stuart Heritage
Polar bears are arseholes. Yes, they look adorable and they advertise mints and they’re a heartbreaking symbol of global warming, but they’re also arseholes. Because they will kill you.
The most carnivorous of all bears, the polar bear’s diet usually consists of seal and walrus, which the bear stalks and then kills by smashing its skull with its paws. But occasionally polar bears go after humans too, and although some survive the attacks, like the Yukon man who was lucky to escape with his life (images of his injuries are here, but they’re gross), many end up mauled to death. Stupid polar bears.
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April 29th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Polar bears are wild predators, particularly wild, particularly predatory. They will harm you severely, and they have the heft to do it. They have never learned about mercy and the humans who share their habitat never imagine that they are cute. Putting them in a zoo cage makes them very resentful, and they bide their time, vengeance-minded. Better to leave them on their frozen seas of the Arctic, far away from humanity, because an unarmed human being is even wimpier than a seal in their eyes, and is probably tastier.
April 29th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Like Harry said they are wild animals. humans kill polar bears like look at global warming or when we take them and put them in zoo’s for our amuzment. THIRLDY, IF U WATCHED THE VIDEO THAT WOMEN CROSSED THE FENCE AND WAS TEASKING THE BEAR. LIKE CMON WE SHOULD KILL U “ARSE HOLE! I HOPE U ROT IN HELL WITH UR MOMMA
April 29th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Sometimes I forget why this job is so fun. Then I remember.
April 29th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
can u go and jerk off and close this site becuase [polar bears are da best and they will rape u!!!
April 29th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
That Polar Bear should have recognized the dominance of it’s human master and bowed in submission. It needs to be destroyed to death.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I’m guessing that the idiot woman crossed the barrier to get a closer look at the “cute bear”? If that’s the case then she deserves every stitch and scar she got. Fucking moron.
Please note that I watched this with the sound off, so if in fact the bear sneakily lured the woman over the fence with the promise of some delicious mints then fair play, she’s not a moron.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Cam’s polar bear is coming for you Stu. You lucky, lucky boy.
April 29th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Tell me about it - I haven’t had a good raping from a polar bear since I don’t know when.
April 29th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
…”I haven’t had a good raping from a polar bear since I don’t know when.”
Be careful with those raping polar bears, Stuart. You could be killed to death.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
“get a tranquilizer gun!” ha ha ha! sure thing, lady…