It Will Kill You: Crocodile
The internet is mainly full of fluffy kittens and sneezing pandas, but screw that. This is It Will Kill You. Because all animals are tossers.
It’s obvious that a crocodile will kill you if you give it the chance. They’ve hardly changed since the days of the dinosaurs, and that’s because they’re so good at killing people. Hundreds of people a year are killed by crocodiles, mainly because they don’t have time to react when the animal strikes.
If a crocodile attacks you in the water, it will pull you under and drown you. If you climb a tree to escape a crocodile attack, it will slow its metabolism and stand guard under the tree for weeks without a break. If you work in a South East Asian zoo where your job involves putting you arm in a crocodile’s open mouth, well, then you are an idiot and you shouldn’t be surprised when the crocodile goes into a death roll to try and kill you. Because crocodiles will kill you.
ALL ANIMALS ARE TOSSERS loves it!
fucken sweet!
Do more entries in this series. Watching homicidal animals viciously mutilate morons improves my day immensely.
More “It Will Kill You”. Now. Or I’ll set my killer pangolin on you.
i’ve always heard the best way to soothe a raging beast is to slap it on the face a couple dozen times, then shove your arm down it’s throat. i wonder why it didn’t work this time? he must not have hit it enough?
How do they get people for this job?
Obviously, it was possible to do this performance safely most of the time, or they wouldn’t have been able to get anyone to do it. But expecting repeatable behavior from a reptile is nuts. Is it really worth it, just to entertain a bunch of tourists?
For an even more disturbing image of what happens when reptile and human clash, see http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-448152/The-man-lent-hand-crocodile.html
What I want to know is how these guys fit up through the plumbing to come bite you on the arse? Are there teacup crocodiles? Is that how they make those cute little handbags? I guess the big ones are for luggage…
Being good at killing humans has nothing to do with the fact that they have survived since the time of the Dinosaurs- we’re a very recent addition (modern man has been around all of 100,000 – 200,000 years), and they’ve been largely unchanged for 200 million years. They survived one of the biggest extinction events in the history of the Earth, survived living alongside far larger and more powerful Dinosaurs, survived all the ice ages, meteor collisions, volcanic eruptions, Earthquakes, Tsunamis, and everything else this planet has thrown at them. Being good at killing US? Of course they are. We’re pathetically weak and soft and slow as animals go- we have ZERO natural defenses, and unarmed, a grown man might as well be an infant in the jaws of a 20 foot croc. They have virtually the same odds of survival. None. Just saying!
this is stupid u guys sitting on your computer talking about people getting eating buy crocs GET ON GOOGLE AND READ ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON’S DEATH AND ALSO GET A LIFE