It Will Kill You: Crocodile

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May 20th, 2008 at 13:00 by Stuart Heritage


The internet is mainly full of fluffy kittens and sneezing pandas, but screw that. This is It Will Kill You. Because all animals are tossers.

It’s obvious that a crocodile will kill you if you give it the chance. They’ve hardly changed since the days of the dinosaurs, and that’s because they’re so good at killing people. Hundreds of people a year are killed by crocodiles, mainly because they don’t have time to react when the animal strikes.

If a crocodile attacks you in the water, it will pull you under and drown you. If you climb a tree to escape a crocodile attack, it will slow its metabolism and stand guard under the tree for weeks without a break. If you work in a South East Asian zoo where your job involves putting you arm in a crocodile’s open mouth, well, then you are an idiot and you shouldn’t be surprised when the crocodile goes into a death roll to try and kill you. Because crocodiles will kill you.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 20th, 2008 1:00 pm and is filed under It Will Kill You. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

5 Responses to “It Will Kill You: Crocodile”

  1. carmela Says:
    May 20th, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    ALL ANIMALS ARE TOSSERS loves it!

  2. Eben Foster Says:
    May 21st, 2008 at 3:56 am

    fucken sweet!

  3. Lohantastic Says:
    June 9th, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    Do more entries in this series. Watching homicidal animals viciously mutilate morons improves my day immensely.

    More “It Will Kill You”. Now. Or I’ll set my killer pangolin on you.

  4. sarah Says:
    July 7th, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    i’ve always heard the best way to soothe a raging beast is to slap it on the face a couple dozen times, then shove your arm down it’s throat. i wonder why it didn’t work this time? he must not have hit it enough?

  5. The Joker Says:
    July 15th, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    How do they get people for this job?

    Obviously, it was possible to do this performance safely most of the time, or they wouldn’t have been able to get anyone to do it. But expecting repeatable behavior from a reptile is nuts. Is it really worth it, just to entertain a bunch of tourists?

    For an even more disturbing image of what happens when reptile and human clash, see http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-448152/The-man-lent-hand-crocodile.html

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