The thing that really perplexes almost anyone in possession of eyes, ears, a brain and puberty regarding the ‘phenomenon’ of Justin Bieber is actually what all the fuss is about in the first place. He possesses all the interest and faint repellence of a glass of tepid piss with a mop-top.
But wait! The ugly/interesting rumour of racism/anti-semitism rears its intriguing head! Thank God! (The Christian God, obviously.) It’ll be like Mel Gibson’s ‘sugar-tits’ thing all over again, launching Justin into a fascinating world of well-regarded glove-puppet-orientated indie films!
Oh. It wasn’t even him. It was his mum. Making him even lamer than previously imagined. You’re in it deep if – for all your bland, inoffensive marionette dancing, girlish singing, foolish hairstyles and overall disposability – your mother is more exciting than you are.
Yes, Bieber’s big break came courtesy of Scooter Braun, A JEWISH MAN, leading Bieber’s Christian mother Patricia Lynne Mallette to state
“God, I gave him to you. You could send me a Christian man, a Christian label! … you don’t want this Jewish kid to be Justin’s man, do you?”
As reported in the New York Times all the way back in 2009, indicating how long it takes for a simple trifle such as religious intolerance to be noticed, what with it hardly having any bearing on world events of late.
Justin Bieber’s position on the matter is unknown at time of publication.
Patricia Lynne Mallette is currently reported to be ‘looking funny’ at people with pronounced noses and running a mile if she sees any swarthy people carrying back-packs.