Jennifer Lopez hasn’t been up to much lately… has she? Thing is, she stopped being mega famous a while back and only appeared in the columns when she was acting like a stroppy git. Or that’s what her detractors would have you believe.
This is, naturally, according to Her People who are implying that there’s some sort of shadowy cabal of shit-slingers who are trying to sabotage J-Lo’s attempts to become the next ‘American Idol’ judge.
Honestly – people in television and media are this paranoid. This is largely thanks to the huge amounts of cocaine they consume, which sees them holed-up and cackling wildly at imagined threats, shaking their fists at the horizon shouting “THEY WON’T BEAT US DOWN!”, despite the fact ‘they’ and ‘us’ are both imagined.
Yes indeed, the crackpots at FOX believe that enemies of the format show, as well as people who generally don’t like Lopez (despite the fact ‘Jenny From The Block’ was pretty good) are planting rumors about the star’s so-called “diva demands” before she gets to watch the ink dry on the dotted line.
Muttering idiots have been whispering in the ear of TMZ, saying that negotiations between the two parties have been “normal” and lovely, perfect, pleasant and other fluffy-wuffy words.
Basically, Lopez is a dead-cert to get the judges gig any day now.
Of course, this doesn’t stop the drip-drip of rumour that says J-Lo is stamping her feet in incredibly expensive shoes demanding more money than anyone can even count to.
Not to mention the fact that she was ‘demanding’ a movie deal to be included in any contracts.
Weirdly, Lopez only got offered the gig after some seriously famous old queens turned down the show, notably, Elton John and Barry Manilow, who are far too bloated to want a proper job sat near the general public.
In even stranger news, Simon Cowell’s replacement is Aerosmith lips-on-legs, Steven Tyler. He’s been spouting off to friends that he is replacing Cowell, which seems incredibly unlikely. Unless of course, they’ve got bags of painkillers for Tyler to neck from branded Coca-Cola cups on-set.
Anyway, if the rumours are all true, we could end up with a judges table that’s longer than the stage where the performances take place.
That would be stupid wouldn’t it? Although, not as stupid as anyone giving Piers Morgan a job. Any job. What Jennifer Lopez? Yeah. Her. Something or other.