You know, there must be a whole lot of people who enjoy watching Mickey Rourke massacre the Russian language.
Why? Because Iron Man 2 is number one. It might lack the simplicity and wit of the original, but Iron Man 2 is the number one movie at the US weekend box office this week. And that can only mean one thing – blockbuster season is here. That’s right, between now and September, we refuse to pay to see any movie unless it contains no fewer than 14 giant explosions and a furious metal robot that can fire lasers out of its knees or whatever.
Obviously that means that the brand new re-cut version of The Last Station, where Tolstoy grows a beard made of fire and marries a breakdancing cyborg with metal tits will do well when it’s released next month. But, you know, well done to Iron Man 2 and stuff anyway.
It’s no surprise that Iron Man 2 is the number one movie at the weekend box office this week. After all, it’s got everything that the first Iron Man film had, plus so much more – like Mickey Rourke, and Sam Rockwell, and Scarlett Johansson, and Larry Sanders, and Don Cheadle, and a cockatoo, and Roger Sterling from Mad Men, and about 14 unnecessary plot strands, and less jokes, and a thing about making a new element that didn’t really make very much sense! Hooray for Iron Man 2! Here’s the US weekend box office top five…
1 - Iron Man 2 (For us, the biggest letdown about Iron Man 2 is that Nick Fury was played by Samuel L Jackson again and not David Hasselhoff as God intended) $133,600,000
2 - A Nightmare On Elm Street (A remake of Nightmare On Elm Street? Whatever next? A remake of Child’s Play where Chucky is played by a malevolent iPad app? Huh? HUH?) $9,170,000
3 - How To Train Your Dragon (Now in its 450th week in the US weekend box office top five! For the record, that’s 449 weeks since we’ve had anything remotely interesting to say about it. Just so you know) $6,760,000
4 - Date Night (Now that we’ve run out of jokes about dried fruit to accompany these Date Night recaps, we’re going to have to start making jokes about medieval knights instead. Starting from next week. In other news, nobody go and see Date Night next week, because we don’t have any jokes about that either) $5,300,000
5 - The Back-Up Plan (Sorry The Back-Up Plan. Now that it’s blockbuster season, we have no use for the likes of you any more. Not unless Jennifer Lopez learns how to poo anthrax. UNLESS SHE ALREADY CAN) $4,345,000
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