Whether it’s with a prostitute or a hairdresser he can puke all over, there’s a pattern to cheating footballers.
First the wife is outraged. Then the wife hurls the footballer out of his home. Then, remembering that the footballer earns more in a week than they would in two years, the wife takes the footballer back. Then, in some cases, they’ll write a song explaining how they plan to fight for their love. This is the way the world works.
Right now, following claims that Wayne Rooney has been banging whores again, Coleen Rooney is at stage two of this process. But she might be about to break the pattern – according to reports, Coleen has claimed that she won’t take Wayne back because she doesn’t need him any more. The moral here is that nothing empowers women more than a brief appearance in a advert for Marks & Spencer knickers.
Going on the basis of previous cheating footballer stories, this time tomorrow we’ll be publishing a post about how Coleen Rooney has gone out without her wedding ring because that’s a subsection of the ‘throwing the footballer out of home’ stage. But until then, we’ll have to make do with the story of how Coleen Rooney definitely won’t be taking Wayne Rooney back at all, ever, honest.
Because this isn’t the first time that Wayne Rooney has been accused of having it off with a prostitute – even though it is the first time he’s been accused of having it off with a prostitute who isn’t about 80 years old and looks as if she smells like a mixture of Werther’s Originals and wee – Coleen Nolan has put her foot down and decided to get rid of him for good. The Sun reports:
Coleen, whose TV career has made her an estimated ?10million, forgave him before – but pals fear the latest betrayal may be the last straw. A source said: “Coleen screamed at him: “How you can do this to me when I’m pregnant, the mother of your son?’ The trust has gone and it has shattered her confidence. She’s asking herself, ‘What’s wrong with me? Am I too ugly?'”
Thanks to her TV career – which we’ll admit we didn’t actually know existed before – her willingness to be a spokeswoman for any company that offer her enough money and the fact that she had a child with Wayne Rooney so he has to cough up, Coleen has found herself in a state of financial independence. So this might really be it. Coleen and Wayne Rooney might really be splitting up.
Obviously by this time on Thursday we’ll be publishing a story about how Coleen Rooney has given Wayne Rooney one last chance because that’s the inevitable stage three, but let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.
hoohaahee says
Wayne rooney is a fucking neanderthal, it’s absolutely disturbing that in this country low brow, uneducated, socially oblivious arseholes like him are actually elevated to a status where they have a public platform.
Also, his missus is housing-scheme chav.