At the rate that plot spoilers and confidential secrets are pouring out of Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, it seems like the only reason why people will actually go and watch it is to see just how haggard Harrison Ford looks.
Because the way things are going, we'll know everything else about it by the time it's released. We know who's in Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull – a title we only know because one of its stars blabbed it – we know the plot of Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull because an extra blabbed it, and we'd also know a whole lot more confidential Indiana Jones 4 secrets if only the police hadn't arrested a man who'd stolen them from the movie set. That means we came painfully close to possibly discovering the biggest Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull spoiler of them all – whether the crystal skull is made of tetragonal ionic crystal or orthorhombic covalent crystal. We must know!
History has shown that there's nothing moviegoers like to see as much as classic cinema franchises get smashed into the dust by needless sequels that a) don't understand why people loved the original in the first place and b) serve only as a devastatingly cruel reminder of the human ageing process. Though touching at times, Rocky Balboa only really went to show how much Sylvester Stallone likes his human growth hormones, while Die Hard 4 pretty much just proved what happens if you give a bald old man the world's worst movie title to play with.
But, like we said, the moviegoers loved them – and we get the feeling that they'll love Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull even more. Such was the demand for a fourth Indiana Jones movie that the subject pretty much made up the entire promotional campaigns for the last 16 Harrison Ford movies. But now everyone's getting what they want and a new Indiana Jones film is being made, there's a question hanging over whether Indiana Jones 4 can survive its increasingly troubled production.
While Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull has had a few rays of good news – surely no film starring Ray Winstone and Cate Blanchett can be that rubbish – it has been mostly outweighed by disappointments like Sean Connery refusing a role and the annoying Transformers kid getting a role and the annoying Transformers kid blowing the Indiana Jones 4 title at the MTV VMAs and an Indiana Jones 4 extra blabbing the entire plot to everyone. And now for the latest kicker – someone has been stealing confidential Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull documents and trying to sell them to the press. Don't worry, though – he's been arrested and charged as the Associated Press reports:
Authorities have arrested a man in connection with the theft of computers and photographs used for Steven Spielberg's upcoming "Indiana Jones" movie. Los Angeles County Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said the man was taken into custody following a sting operation. His identity has not been released. The items were reported missing Sept. 24 and were said to contain confidential materials related to the long-awaited fourth instalment of the popular adventure series.
Apparently the suspect's name has not be released because police believe this is part of a much larger operation – perhaps to steal the crystal skull itself, though that's doubtful because we get the feeling Steven Spielberg's going to pull that old "aah you see, the crystal skull is really made of wood" trick that he did with the Holy Grail that time. But, although it must be galling for Steven Spielberg to see all his carefully-kept secrets being spewed everywhere, at least there's a plus side to all this – Spielberg is going to make damn sure that nobody steals any secrets from his film about gravity-wave strengths and their temporal signatures as observed on the Earth, possibly because we can't see anyone actually going to see it after it's been released anyway.
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