Thank you Kendra Wilkinson. You’ve brightened up our day immensely by a) not dying and b) getting married.

We’re in your debt. Kendra Wilkinson got married to Hank Baskett on Saturday, proving that while Michael Jackson’s death was sad, it couldn’t never stop something as profound as love.

And, no, we don’t really know who Kendra Wilkinson or Hank Baskett are either. But that’s not important. Look, it was either this or another story about Michael Jackson. Do you want us to keep banging on about Michael Jackson? Do you? Because we can. You don’t? Good. Now shut up.

Kendra Wilkinson has had a hard life. Accidentally named after what we can only imagine is a 1950s kitchen appliance as a baby, Kendra has stumbled from one bad decision to another throughout her entire existence.

And perhaps the biggest bad decision of these involved agreeing to be one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends. True, because of this Kendra Wilkinson got fame, wealth and the chance to live in faded, slightly grubby luxury – but there’s also a strong chance that she had to physically touch Hugh Hefner’s genitals more than once, and being made to cup what appears to be two mouldy walnuts and an exhausted-looking length of uncooked sausagemeat in a loose parcel of chicken wattle with your bare hands is probably something that stays with a girl.

But as of Saturday Kendra Wilkinson was able to put all of those bad decisions behind her and start again completely from scratch by getting married to her boyfriend Hank Baskett. The wedding was a clean break from the past. There was no mention of Playboy or Hugh Hefner – it was just Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett, and that’s all that either of them needed.

Except that, you know, most of the guests were Kendra’s old Playboy model chums. And Hugh Hefner was there. And the entire poxy bloody wedding took place at the Playboy mansion. Still, at least that was it – having a wedding at an ex-boyfriend’s house is sort of fine, we guess, so long as nothing too creepy took place. People reports:

Before some 300 guests, including ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner, the bride and groom Hank Baskett recited traditional vows. Wilkinson wore a white dress with a “tight bodice and poofy skirt”… Like the wedding, the reception was very traditional. While Wilkinson and Baskett danced the first dance to George Strait’s “I Cross My Heart,” the bride saved the second dance for Hefner.

Oh COME ON. Your SECOND DANCE was with Hugh Hefner? WHY? Why would you even DO that, Kendra Wilkinson? What happened after that? Where was the honeymoon? The inside of Hugh Hefner’s mouth? Up Hugh Hefner’s bum? Because that’s where it seems like it should be. Honestly Kendra Wilkinson, we give up. We actually give up.

Although, you know what? If getting married in her ex-boyfriend’s house and then having her second-ever dance as a married woman with the same ex-boyfriend makes Kendra Wilkinson happy, we’re not going to judge her. After all, it worked when Ivana Trump got married in Donald Trump’s garden, didn’t it?

What? It didn’t work? The marriage barely lasted seven months? Oh. Well that sort of negates our point a little bit, then. Whoops.

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