Our Grandmammy once told us that "forgiveness is a human obligation". We were young when she whispered those words but we remember it vividly. She was sitting under a high barred-window with the sunlight illuminating her orange jumpsuit to an almost neon-like quality. Her standard issue blue slip-on shoes looked nice too.
Grandma gave out good advice she did – it's something we came to appreciate when we'd visit her every Thursday at 3:00 for 15 – 20 years. We're sure our Grandpappy would have dealt wise-words too, but some villain did him in with a hammer one night leaving no signs of forced entry. The police are still working the case, we're told.
Luckily for Don Imus, all black people seem to have heeded our Granny's advice. They've apparently found it in their hearts to forgive him. To prove it, they've unanimously reissued him a proper federal broadcasting license or something, and are allowing him to work again regardless of his past transgressions.
Let us only pray that such grace one day fills the hearts of all the human race.
Except Arabs. Their hearts are too full of machine guns.
It wasn't so long ago Don Imus, radio personality mediocre, was groveling at the feet of Al Sharpton. Of course what brought him to that point was Imus saying how the Rutgers girls "basketball team," as they insist on being called, were all greasy and whorish. The comment eventually got the radio host kicked to the curb.
It would seem Al Sharpton never intended to keep Imus unemployed forever, and has recently waved his bejewelled sceptre allowing everyone everywhere to hire the DJ however they will, basically rescuing him from a lifetime of commenting at all-white sporting events and church dances. According to Business Week:
"Shock jock Don Imus will return to the airwaves Dec. 3 after eight months of a well-paid hiatus brought about by a racist and sexist remark that once seemed certain to permanently silence his broadcasting career. Citadel Broadcasting Corp. made the announcement Thursday, confirming long-rumoured reports that Imus was coming back to morning drive time on New York-based WABC-AM."
In related news, WABC also intends to hire Michael Richards, Dog the Bounty Hunter and Jade Goody for something called 'The White-Power Minute.' The show reportedly will feature topics such as 'Cross Burning Made Easy,' 'Working The N-Word Naturally Into Everyday Conversation,' and "'Jewish People – We're Really Watching You Guys.'
WABC doesn't really intend that.
Nobody intends that.
Adam Gade says
This is hilarious. Although I would have lost a huge bet if I had said that this article with the, “Arabs hearts are too full of machine guns”, quote would have outpaced the Chapman article in number of comments. I was almost certain you were going to catch hell for that, Shawn.
Gina says
Shawn Lindseth could not pass a 7th grade writing class. His ideas and writing style are childish.
josie says
Can’t think of anything clever or nasty to post on this site, will just say, can’t wait for Imus to return. He has been missed by many.
Pattyann says
I don’t think the return of Don Imus has much to do with whom, if anybody, forgave him. Hundreds of thousands of his fans want him back. We’ve been lost in the morning without him. He may be a cranky old goat, but he is our cranky old goat.
Clint says
I agree that Shawn writes like a Seventh grader but I think his style is competent enough to draft Federal Documents.
Feddy says
Everyone forgot that this fossil had no ratings when he was on the air. No one under 55 thought that he was worth listening to. Calling the Rutgers Girl the “Nappy headed Hoes” Was a career saver for him.
The Governor of the State of NJ almost died rushing to get some face time on camera with Al Tawana Sharptoon.
The I-man is a drag, not even funny