Having already changed rooms because of an insect infestation, Myleene has accidentally glued herself to her bed. If anyone starts connecting the dots between ‘insects’, ‘grasshoppers’ and ’sticky hotel room messes’, they will be asked to leave.

Myleene Klass, barely-sentient host of the celebrity torturefest: we knew she wasn’t the greenest leaf on the tree, but she’s now operating at levels of idiocy which have almost become genius. Hotel staff found her, in her room, with one hand stuck to the bed by a mysterious substance.

We’re just waiting for a Thai newspaper to publish photos of the incident.

Little over a week old, and the American version of British import (Brimport? Anyone?) I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here has already provided us with injuries, insect-eating and women who look like men who look like women who look like Ents.

But now, in the oddest news to emerge from the Costa Rican jungle since people realised that the Baldwins were brothers (’Really? But one looks like a botoxed Emperor Palatine, and the other looks like a sculpture of a 50-year-old Fonz made out of Spam and penises‘), host Myleene Klass has glued her skeletal hand to a hotel bed.

The Sun, can you enlighten us?

“Myleene Klass had to be rescued by hotel staff after getting stuck to her bed. The TV presenter, 31, had sprayed herself with insect repellent that reacted with varnish on the bedposts – gluing her to the frame. A source said: ‘Hotel staff had to peel her off slowly but surely.’”

“While they waited for the kitchen porter, who has a cameraphone, to arrive” was not included in the source’s comment.

We got to thinking, and realised what a bloody fantastic idea the celebrity/glue/object craze is. We present three of our own ideas for future adhesive collaborations, all of which should be televised in Hi-Def:

1) Tom Cruise, glued to a piano, his fingers forming G sharp minor, loaded onto an aeroplane and tossed from the cargo hold at 35,000 feet.

2) Bono, glued to the inside of a corn-thresher programmed to start when sensors detect a swearword being spoken, which is glued to a drunken Scottish Tourettes patient.

3) Kelly Osbourne, glued to a mouse, which is glued to a cat, which is glued to a dog, which is glued to a horse, which is glued to a wolf, which is glued to a tiger, which is glued to an elephant, which is encased in concrete and sunk beneath the Pacific Ocean.

Make it so, Gods of Television.

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