So … what exactly are we all expecting from His Holiness’s funeral proceedings? Something ‘respectful’, no doubt. Probably something ‘tasteful’ and ‘organised’.

In other words, probably something boring.

Thank the heavens, then, for sadly-departed gonzo genius Hunter S. Thompson whose final wish – no word of a lie – is to have his ashes ‘blasted from a giant canon mounted inside a 53ft high sculpture of his trademark Gonzo fist.’

The ceremony – due to take place in August in the grounds of Thompson’s Colorado home – is apparently exactly what the drug-fuelled literary giant would have wanted.

‘I’d like to have several explosions,’ his widow Anita specified. ‘Hunter loved explosions’.

Of course he did. Everyone loves explosions. If only those stuffy party-poopers at the Catholic Church would take a leaf out of Thompson’s book, maybe the upcoming papal funeral would be a far more entertaining affair.

A few immediate hecklerspray suggestions: blasting off a million fireworks so that they coalesce in the sky, forming the celestial image of a gigantic breakdancing Jesus. Putting John Paul up on strings ala Weekend At Bernies and lipsynching him to a partiularly raucous Ken Dodd routine (come on, everyone’s kept saying what a fantastic sense of humour he had).

Or maybe dragging Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles to the altar and inviting the assembled mourners to kick him repeatedly in the face? Nothing to do with religion, we know … we just thought it’d be something worth seeing.

Back in Gonzo world, however, it has been announced that the Gonzo Fist monument is to become a permenant fixture on the property; a brand-new tourist attraction.

Step aside, Mount Rushmore. We have no need for you now.

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[story by C J Davies]