Donald Trump is truly an insufferable asshole. If you require support for this assertion … and you really shouldn’t because his decades of indisputably despicable behavior should speak for themselves … I would offer Donald’s latest antic. He’s suing Bill Maher for $5 million, claiming that Bill agreed to donate that amount to charity if Donald could prove that he’s not the “spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.”
Basically what happened is this: Bill Maher was a guest on the Tonight Show (to clarify, that’s Bill Maher the comedian) and he made fun of Donald’s hair, comparing its color to the color of an orangutan and then speculating that Donald might be the glorious result of his mother having screwed an orangutan. Not a terribly funny joke, not terribly classy, but whatever.
Then Bill followed it up by joking that he would give $5 million to charity if Donald could disprove the hypothesized orangutan parentage … therein directly mocking Donald’s insulting, ludicrous, and pathetic offer to donate that amount to charity if President Obama would release his college and passport paperwork.
Now we’re getting to the part where Donald really proves what a humorless douche he is. Following Bill’s Tonight Show appearance, Donald sent a letter to Bill with a copy of his birth certificate. In all seriousness, the very business-like letter, written by Donald’s representative, includes the following sentence:
“Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump’s birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, not an orangutan.”
Because Bill did not respond to that absurd letter and decide to pony up the $5 million, Donald had no choice but to sue him. And he did … no joke … file a breach of contract suit against Bill Maher in California court. After filing the suit, Donald tweeted that he “had an obligation to sue for charity.”
Oh, Donald. You really need to lighten the fuck up. Jokes about that involve a person’s mother are not in the best taste, but clearly he was joking. Donald disagrees, however, and he called into the amazing show Fox & Friends to say:
“I don’t think he was joking. He said it with venom.”
What Donald maybe doesn’t understand is that joking and venom are not mutually exclusive. It was clearly a joke. And any venom is justified, because Donald is a completely shameless, completely humorless, all-around piece of shit.