Usually if you encounter a bald, mulleted, crag-faced man with a bleached-blonde handlebar moustache your first thought tends to be "But if you're here, who's looking after your boot fair stall?"
But Hulk Hogan is the exception to that rule. Everyone knows Hulk Hogan – either as the shirt-tearing, pretend-deaf, all-American 1980s wrestling steroid-monkey, the knackered reality TV star or Mr Nanny – but soon you'll be able to see Hulk Hogan in a brand-new role. Hulk Hogan has just signed up to be the host of NBC's new rejigged American Gladiators show to be broadcast next year. Although we're promised that the new show will be more technologically-advanced than we remember, there's something about the thought of Hulk Hogan presenting American Gladiators that's so early-90s that it makes us want to centre-part our hair, wear a Global Hypercolour T-shirt and reflect on the genius of Hangin' With Mr Cooper.
Unless you're Chris Benoit, it's a good time to be a former wrestler at the moment. The Rock has the number one weekend box office movie, we think we saw Jake The Snake Roberts chasing a gang of crying children off his front garden with a stick the other day, and then there's Hulk Hogan.
To many people Hulk Hogan is wrestling. For years Hulk Hogan dominated the field despite always appearing to be a fat bald partially-deaf 55-year-old man with a barely-hidden jingoistic agenda and an annoying habit of tearing clothes from his body rather than taking them off, folding them nicely and putting them in the laundry. In recent years Hulk Hogan has turned his back on wrestling to star in Hogan Knows Best, a dodgy Osbournes clone mainly about how often Hulk Hogan gets robbed and what an irresponsible driver his son is. But forget about that, because Hulk Hogan is moving on to bigger and better things. That's right – Hulk Hogan is going to host a new series of a show that was cancelled a decade ago because nobody watched and it was rubbish. American Gladiators is coming back! E! Online reports:
If there's anything Hulk Hogan knows best, it's muscle. The wrestling legend and VH1 reality star will serve as the host of NBC's revival of American Gladiators, due to premiere at midseason, the network announced Wednesday. "Gladiator-mania is gonna be running wild, brother," Hogan said in acknowledging his new gig.
Good to see Hulk Hogan still knows all his own catchphrases, isn't it, even if we can't shake the feeling that he can barely go a day without blurting out things like "Orthopaedic cutlery-mania is gonna be running wild, brother," or "Pass me the milk, please. Milk-mania is gonna be running wild, brother. No, semi-skimmed. To your left. There. Thanks."
Anyway, the new Hulk Hogan-fronted series of American Gladiators will be pimped from top to bottom, promising to feature 'new special effects, water challenges and updated technology, along with some of the classic games from the original show' all in an attempt to try and distract everyone from the fact that American Gladiators is mostly a show where lonely old Dads can watch pretty girls tugging at each other's leotards and then running up a backwards escalator.
And we're thrilled too – after all, if Hulk Hogan is bringing American Gladiators back to life then it can only be a matter of time before ITV brings back Gladiators over here, probably fronted by Kendo bloody Nagasaki or something.
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