Hugh Hefner: Hey Miley Cyrus, Get Naked For Playboy

Now that you’ve seen part of her back and about a third of one of her bras, Miley Cyrus is a certified sex object.

What? Miley Cyrus is only 15? Well, um, obviously we were joking about that sex object bit. The supple, milky-white backs of teenage girls are so disgusting to us that we think they should all be burnt with flaming torches. But Playboy’s Hugh Hefner has another idea. You can probably guess what it involves.

That’s right - Hefner has asked Miley Cyrus to appear naked in Playboy. But don’t worry, because Miley Cyrus won’t be getting naked for Playboy until she’s 18, the age where people immediately stop having moral objections to teenage nudity. Until then, though, it looks like you’ll just have to wait until the inevitable Miley Cyrus naked internet photos. Perverts.

Phew, this Miley Cyrus thing has really started to calm down. When those Miley Cyrus underwear photos were so quickly followed by the not especially topless Vanity Fair pictures, the storm was so huge that we didn’t think it’d ever die down. But, after what seems like an age, people are finally starting to leave Miley alone.

And not a moment too soon. After all, not only does Disney need Miley Cyrus to keep making it lots of money, but Miley is a teenage girl, and she was only doing what teenage girls do - letting one of the world’s most famous photographers take slightly risque photo of her bare back and then blaming the same photographer as soon as they’re published and people get upset.

What’s more, tomorrow sees the release of Miley Cyrus’ Got Milk advert, and the last thing a 15-year-old girl in the middle of a sex scandal needs is a photo of her top lip covered in a creamy liquid. No, the Miley Cyrus is dead, and that’s the best place for it to be.

Except that Playboy founder Hugh Hefner has just decided to offer Miley Cyrus a chance to pose naked in his magazine. Whoops. The Boston Globe reports:

Hugh Hefner wants 15-year-old Miley Cyrus to pose naked in Playboy. The 82-year-old tycoon thinks the ‘Hannah Montana’ star… would be a hit with readers of the adult magazine when she turns 18. He said: “She would be welcomed in the magazine. She’s a very pretty lady.” He added to US TV show ‘Extra’: “I think to make such a big to-do over something as innocent as those photos. I think is a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality.”

Schizophrenic? Well, that’s exactly what you’d expect from a pornmonger like Hugh Hefner. Not us, though - naked teenage girls make us feel sick, and if we ever saw an underage girl taking her clothes off, we’d punch her square in the face as hard as we could.

However, we should point out that Hugh Hefner doesn’t want Miley Cyrus to appear in Playboy until she’s 18. And that’s actually OK, because that way a) Miley Cyrus will have made the choice as an adult to bare her flesh within the comfort of the law and b) we’ll get to see what Miley Cyrus’ boobs look like and if we’re lucky she won’t have aged much by then and still look a bit like a little girl. It’s a deal where everyone wins.

Especially Miley Cyrus. After all, her Dad is a country singer, and once she’s posed naked for Playboy she’ll be just a drug addiction and an abusive marriage away from filling in all the items in the country singer’s daughter to-do list. Again, everyone wins.

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Miley Cyrus’ Playboy offer - Boston