Hugh Grant Needs A Maury Intervention

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Hugh GrantIt’s no secret that Hugh Grant has a thing for the ladies.  He’s handsome, rich, mildly talented (albeit a little one dimensional.  Dude is always the sheepish guy who needs to learn how to love.), and he has a British accent.  Ladies panty drop with one of his half smirks and a sweet “Ello.”

Now it has come out that he has a love child, a son, with some TV producer.  That in and of itself wouldn’t be super interesting, lot of dudes accidentally turn groupies into baby mamas, but it’s the fact that this is his third secret child born in less than two years that makes this eyebrow lift worthy.

On this week’s episode of Maury, “Help!  My rich penis is attracted to unprotected sex and my accountant is not happy about it!” Many years, in a time long ago called “The Nineties,” Hugh Grant was an up and coming actor.  Just as he was about to get famous here in the United States on a Leonardo DiCaprio style level, Grant went and got all creepy weird and hired a prostitute to service him.  Not a high class escort, STD free with all her teeth, like normal rich guys.  Nope, he went all grimy and hired a hooker off the street named Divine Brown.  Unlike Eddie Murphy, he went for a hooker that only had a name that screamed tranny, not an actual tucked back tranny.

Grant’s career wasn’t too negatively affected for long, and for the next couple of decades Hugh was a total ladies man.  Multiple girlfriends but always living the bachelor type life of not too serious commitments.  Within the last few years, he stopped making as many movies and his professional slowed down.  Seems his private life did not when it came out in 2011 that Grant had fathered a secret love child with Chinese actress, Tinglan Hong that was born that September.  He called it a “fleeting affair” but also said Hong was a “nice girl” which seems oddly degrading.

Grant must have liked it enough to go back for seconds, because last year it was revealed Grant was now the proud papa of a second baby with Hong.  She became pregnant with #2 before baby #1 was even able to walk.  That’s some dedication on her part because pregnancy is a bitch and Hong didn’t even give her crotch time to fully retract back to it’s pre-hot dog in a hallway state.  Baby deux was born in December 2012.   Both children are girls who I am sure will be proud to learn one day their father was kind of a man-ho.

Hugh has gotten super sloppy with his sperm it seems, because now it’s come out that he is also the father of a baby boy born in September 2012 with a Swedish TV producer named Anna Eberstein.  Yup, that’s right.  Hugh pulled a Lil Wayne and got two women pregnant at the same time.  Klassy.  Did they suddenly ban condoms in England or something?  Or have the 50s just gotten to Grant’s head and he’s just going through some sort of skanky midlife crisis?

If nothing else, Grant isn’t a slouch in the financial department at least.  Both women have had homes purchased for them within walking distance of Grant’s place, and they are more than taken care of.  Now of course it’s wondered how Hong feels about Grant making her share the role of baby mama.  She may not be thrilled about it, but I am sure the sting of it is lessened by the free pad and much larger bank account she probably now has.  What are a few stretch marks given by a man that will never marry you if you have a dozen Birkin bags?

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