Hugh Grant is famous for two things – one is making a succession of films so bad that we'd rather smash our mouth in with a hammer than watch them and the other one is being a professional commitment-phobe in all aspects of his personal life.
But Hugh Grant is all set to turn one of those notions on its head. Sadly it isn't the one that you were probably hoping for – anyone who's seen the trailer for Music And Lyrics knows only too well that Hugh Grant is incapable of starring in movies that don't smell to high heaven of dog poo and month-old fish guts. Instead, Hugh Grant has announced to the world that he's ready to settle down and have children. And this will happen just as soon as he finds a roadside prostitute willing enough to let him knock her up for a tenner.
We all love Hugh Grant movies, don't we? In fact, Hugh Grant movies are just about the only place to find the answers to questions like "What would Hugh Grant be like if he was a washed up singer?" or "What would Hugh Grant be like if he was Simon Cowell?" The answers to both of those questions, incidentally, is "He would be like Hugh Grant. That is what he would be like." Seriously, film makers should just call every character that Hugh Grant plays 'Hugh Grant' and be done with it.
But making useless films isn't all that Hugh Grant does – once he cut his hair and ended up looking like a lesbian and Liz Hurley might have cheated on him 15 years ago. And, give or take a few bursts of joylessly plodding around a beach with Jemima Kahn, that's literally it. But now things have changed, and Hugh Grant has decided that he wants to have children.
Of course he does, having children is all the go in celebrity circles these days. Wonder where Hugh Grant will get his children from – America? China? A confused man in Malawi? What's that? Hugh Grant wants to grow his own baby inside of Jemima Kahn's guts for nine months until it's big enough to crawl out of her genitals? Urgh! This is what Hugh Grant told American Vogue:
"I remember reading a Warren Beatty quote when he finally had children and said what a relief it was not to be all 'me, me, me'… As much as I adore myself, I'm quite keen to find someone else to care about more."
So congratulations to Hugh Grant for taking 46 years to decide to maybe have children and then only because it fills more space than having to talk about his terrible-looking new film. The sincerity just hits us right here, you know?