Horton Hears A Huge Weekend Box Office Total

Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! isn't just the number one movie at the weekend box office, it's the best-opening movie of the year so far.

That's no surprise, really - Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! is an adaptation of a beloved children's book made by the Ice Age juggernaut that stars some of the world's biggest comedic talents.

But we don't think that's the real reason for Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!'s success. It's obvious that Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! is only number one at the US weekend box office because it's the first Dr Seuss movie in years that hasn't featured a scary half-man half-cat shouting the word 'piss' over and over again at Dakota Fanning.

There seems to have been some mistake made here - weekend box office number one Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! is missing some vital ingredients. You see, we haven't read any Dr Seuss books, but we have seen the movie The Cat In The Hat, so we've come to learn that Dr Seuss stories are puerile, grossly offensive and feature belching cats whose hats get erect whenever they're aroused. 

And Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! doesn't have any of that! It's a disgrace! What next? The Tale Of Mrs Tiggy-Winkle without the giant shit-chewing wank-monkeys? How dare you all. Here's the US weekend box office top five:

1 - Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! (A financially successful Jim Carrey movie? Why that's absurd, although don't forget that only Jim Carrey's voice stars in Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!, so perhaps all the extra people bought tickets because they knew they wouldn't have to put up with looking at his hopeless 'love me love me love me' face all the time) $45,100,000

2 - 10,000 BC (Forget the giant animals and fighting and everything, the real big story of 10,000 BC was the Japanese production of pottery. Let's hope that the sequel is called 9,300 BC, because that would almost certainly be about the cultivation of figs on the river Jordan) $16,415,000

3 - Never Back Down (Featuring the most homoerotic trailer we've ever seen. No joke here, we just thought you'd like to know) $8,610,000

4 - College Road Trip (College Road Trip lost 42% of is audience in a week. We're not sure why - it can't be negative word of mouth, because we refuse to believe that anyone actually thought that College Road Trip would be even slightly good in the first place. Perhaps the demographic for pointless sequels to bad, long-forgotten films is more finite than we imagined) $7,893,000

5 - Vantage Point (Retelling a story from various perspectives seems to be popular, so maybe the Harry Potter team should think about remaking Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows again and again from each character's viewpoint - any excuse to cynically rip off the fans, eh?) $5,400,000

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Weekend Box Office - Box Office Mojo