There aren't that many famous people living in Europe – a cursory headcount only threw up Ruth Badger from The Apprentice and the French man who straps bicycle horns to his boiler suit and plays tunes on them. And nobody else.

But now there's a real reason to celebrate, since Michael Jackson – the most famous man in the world – has announced that he's due to move to Europe as soon as possible. Sure, Michael Jackson is only famous for being found innocent of getting loaded up on Jesus Juice and molesting boys with cancer, but we need all the famous people we can living here, so shut up.

America was kind to Michael Jackson for a while – it even let make a shapeless film about him turning into a car and beating Joe Pesci in a fight – but when it turned, it turned bad. After being cleared of feeling up boys, Michael Jackson only got stick from America, for not paying his staff properly, for making his giraffes stand around in pools of blood and for all manner of other outrages.

So Michael Jackson did the same thing any of would do – he went and stayed with the Royal family of Bahrain. Things were still fraught for Jackson – he wasn't even allowed to go shopping dressed up as a lady – but at least he did get it together enough to plan to release a brand new album. But release an album from little old Bahrain? What chance would he have of doing that? So – according to long-serving spokesman Raymond Bain – Michael Jackson is coming to live in Europe:

"He's just decided that with all of the projects he's going to be involved with and all of the people he's beginning to work with in the music industry, it's easier (to live in Europe). He'll be going back and forth to Bahrain but Europe will be his principal residence."

It's not known exactly where in Europe Michael Jackson will live but, since his new business partner is London-based, there's a good chance that he'll find a place in the capital, perhaps a lovely flat above a sari shop in Hornsey would suit him. On the other hand, a place in Italy would mean that Michael Jackson would be closer to The Vatican so that he can carry on his work on the rumoured album of duets with the Pope's corpse.

Read more:

Michael Jackson moving to Europe to resume career – Reuters

[story by Stuart Heritage]