Is she fat? Is she thin? Is she thinner but still a bit fat? If you waved a gateaux under her nose would she bite your arms off at the elbows to get it? These are important questions, and Jessica Simpson wasn’t answering them.
Now she has. Jessica Simpson performed a concert on Sunday in a tiny pair of Daisy Duke shorts, which means she’s either thin again or they’ve started making Daisy Dukes in massive sizes. Who can really say for sure?
Not so long ago, the whole world was obsessed with Jessica Simpson’s weight, after photos of her at a concert made it look as if she’d spent a couple of months mainlining dripping while hooked up to an IV full of doughnut glaze in a flotation tank full of gravy.
Why was this? Well, it was either because the patriarchal media’s endemic consumption and ownership of the female form is a transparent ploy to keep women in a subservient position, or it was because it was a nice distraction from discussing Jessica Simpson’s singing or acting – either one of which tend to send people into a blaze of face-tearing, mind-melting madness. But we digress.
The point is, despite the public outcry over her wobbly belly and planet-sized arse, Jessica Simpson said time and time again that she was comfortable in her own weight; that she was right where she was supposed to be.
And she meant it, too, because Jessica Simpson has just lost loads of weight, and she’s doing just about everything she can to make sure everyone knows. Metro reports:
Toned down and bronzed, the country singer ditched her plus sized jeans for her old denim hot pants to thrill the crowds at the final night of the Strawberry Festival Sunday in America. Just a few months back The Dukes of Hazzard actress, 28, was happy to wave away her struggles to maintain her one time 36-24-36 frame. ‘Curves are better. I don’t get the whole rail thing… It’s emotionally destructive, it really is.’
But despite whatever hypocrisy might be at play here, this really is a return to the Jessica Simpson we know and love. Bright orange, dressed like Willie Nelson‘s slutty granddaughter, sad because she’s not married instead of sad that she’s grossly overweight – not to mention that all this weight-loss has really sharpened the definition of her jawline again. And, after all, Jessica Simpson’s not Jessica Simpson unless you’re terrified of her ability to bite clean through your leg in a moment of anger.
What’s more, this sudden weight-loss is bound to be massively profitable for Jessica Simpson. By Christmas she’ll have definitely brought out a fitness DVD. Or, at the very least, a tearful exclusive magazine interview about her battle with bulimia. Which will it be? Place your bets now!