Some people say the McCartney/Mills divorce was the best celebrity divorce ever. Some say the Hasselhoff divorce.

These people are wrong. When it comes to celebrity divorces, one stands head and shoulders above all others. It had fame. It had money. It had glamour. It had infidelity. It had a $3,000-per-month addiction to internet pornography. It had a Billy Joel soundtrack. It was the Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce from last year. It was perfect, and it’s back in the news.

We’re so happy that the Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce is back in the news that we could kiss somebody on the lips. Not Peter Cook, obviously. We don’t know where his mouth’s been.

The moral of the epic, relentlessly brilliant Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce is that you should never split up with Billy Joel. True, Billy Joel might have a face like a popped blister and a nasty habit of drinking furniture polish every now and again, but he will love you and write Uptown Girl for you and let you paint objectively terrible cover art for his albums.

Also, if you ever leave Billy Joel, you’ll end up with Peter Cook. And that’s no good because a) he’ll allow you to name your child Sailor, b) he’ll have an affair with a teenager he met in a toystore and c) he’ll blow $3,000 a month on hardcore pornography. Although, that said, if you didn’t leave Billy Joel then you would never have divorced Peter Cook – and history will one day see that as your greatest gift to the world.

You might have assumed that the Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce was all dealt with, after Christie Brinkley won custody of her children and Peter Cook won enough money to spunk a calculated 67 gallons of jism across a pixellated image of an exhausted-looking 40-year-old woman dressed up like a randy schoolgirl on the internet. But you’d be wrong.

Because yesterday Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook were back in court for a settlement or an argument about a passport or something. Look, the reason why they were in court together doesn’t matter. The important thing is that Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook got to slag each other off in public again. Maybe there is a God after all. Newsday reports:

Outside the courtroom later, Brinkley called Cook an “extreme narcissist.” “Google ‘Divorcing a narcissist,’ ” Brinkley told reporters. “It will give you a lot of insight into what I’ve been going through for the past three and a half years.” Told what his ex-wife said, Cook said: “I’ll accept ‘narcissist’ over ‘interference.’ ” … Brinkley kept her sunglasses on throughout the proceeding.

Now we know the done thing here is to say “Oh, how awful for the children to see their parents fighting in public like this,” but screw that, frankly. This ongoing Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce is BRILLIANT, and if the tragic emotional deterioration of an 11-year-old girl named Sailor ends up being the cost of making sure it keeps us entertained then we’re going to wholeheartedly encourage it.

She is called Sailor, after all. It’s not like she was going to have a very happy life anyway.

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