Imagine going on a date with someone who seems perfectly normal. Throughout the course of the evening, you notice that they have a little vial around their neck.

“Oh, that, that’s just my ex husband’s blood.” says your date as she pours you another glass of wine. “When I’m not looking after my fifty six billion children, I’m busy learning how to knife throw and kissing my brother in a way that could only be described as really really creepy. What do you do in your spare time?”

I reckon it’d take you about ten seconds to make your ’something bad happened’ excuse and get the  hell out of there. Leaving your wallet, phone and passport behind if you had to. Run! Run away!

Unless you’re on a date with Angelina Jolie.

Despite this woman being as mad as a box of frogs, we take one look at her (frankly fantastic) rack and forget all about her crazy blood carrying incestuous ways. You can be as mad as you like in Hollywood, as long as you’re pretty enough to distract people. We don’t really like the crazy, we’re just willing for forget about it.

Once upon a time, Britney Spears was every man’s school uniform wanking fantasy. And she always was a bit crazy (years of Disney will do that to you). But until she decided to shave off her pretty blonde mane, no one noticed. Once she looked a bit trailer trash, everyone thought she’d gone nutty. The fact is, she’d always been a bit nutty, we just didn’t have anything pretty to detract from this. She was just all crazy and no hair extensions.

If you’re pretty in Hollywood, you can get away with anything. I’m not saying every pretty girl is mad as a tree (Kate Hudson is just lovely, isn’t she?), but they could be if they wanted. The prettier you are, the more crazy you can get away with.

If Tom Cruise had gone a bit mad in his gay icon Top Gun phase we’d have forgiven him and he’d have been topless on the cover of Vanity Fair. Instead we (and every movie maker every to snort a line of coke) cross the street to avoid him and his Scientologist buddies. He’s not that pretty anymore, is he?

If you’re not convinced by my prettiness Vs crazy equation (PX10 = C), take a look at Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s sometimes really really pretty. And sometimes really really ugly. She’s also a little bit weird. But she’s not totally crazy. Because she’s not always pretty enough to carry it off. She’s treading a fine line that Gylenhaal woman. One step too far and she’ll be shaving her head and kissing her brother and we won’t forgive her for it. Instead we’ll point and laugh at her crazy ways until she sorts herself out with a bit of slap and nice dress.

Then we’ll forget aaaaaall about it.

This was a guest blog by the wonderful Sian Meades from the wonderful Domesticsluttery.com, which you should probably all visit now.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!