If boybands were chocolate bars then Take That would be the posh 85% cocoa stuff, East 17 would be the rough and ready Yorkie bar, and Five? Well, Five would be a supermarket own-brand Kit-Kat rip-off.

And guess what? Five are back, baby! Five announced yesterday that they were going to shamelessly ride on the coattails of Take That, East 17 and All Saints by reforming for an opportunistic comeback album. Except only four of Five wanted to reform, which means that not only is the Five comeback likely to be an under-rehearsed parade of flabby middle-aged men joylessly going through the motions, but Five are going to look for all the world to be a bunch of dyslexic nobsacks as well.