Hilary Duff recently popped out a baby with her hockey husband of 3 years, Mike Comrie. So as with most celebrity couples, that means it is time to separate and start rebounding with tons of nobodies.
I am hoping this means Lizzie McGuire resurrects her sickeningly sweet pop career with some awesomingly cheesy break up music.
Let the rain fall down on my cheating chubby ex with the sixhead….
The D-list Ghost of Lindsay’s Future (If it wasn’t for all that coke and vodka) is starting off 2014 in a rough way. Instead of making shitty resolutions that she most likely wouldn’t keep, like getting a top 10 hit, Hilary Duff is getting ready to file joint taxes for the last time for the foreseeable future. She and husband, Mike Comrie, have decided that their marriage is totally over.
Duff married Comrie back in 2010 after dating for a couple of years. While many in the U.S might not immediately know who Hilary’s puffer fish faced hubby is, he is apparently a professional hockey player who, according to my slightly butchy female friends, is mediocre at best. He also was born on a silver plated bassinet, because his family are multi millionaire owners of a Canadian furniture company. Mmm, I bet their stores smell like maple syrup and passive aggressiveness.
In 2012, these two former lovebirds made a baby they named Luca Cruz, which sounds like the name of a one hit wonder from New Mexico. Their marriage has been peppered with blind items from multiple gossip sites that peg Comrie as a cheating bastard who treated Hilary like crap and tried to get her on the Hollywood Starlet diet of no food. Supposedly he cheated with the wife of one of his teammates, which ended with said teammate moving to another team. There have also been rumors of their separation for a while now, which you just KNEW was coming after this obviously staged photos appeared last week:
How Tori Spelling of them. Very natural. ”Here’s a big leaf, which is the Canadian symbol for love. And hate. Get ready for my lawyer in 3 days bitch.”
And they also sent out one of those super stereotypical joint statements that try and pretend that they are still BFFs, but we all know that’s bullshit.
“Hilary Duff and husband Mike Comrie have mutually decided to an amicable separation. They remain best friends and will continue to be in each other’s lives. They are dedicated to loving and parenting their amazing son, and ask for privacy at this time.”
Mike Comrie looks like the type of guy to try and totally screw Hilary over. Every picture of him just screams “squishy douchebag.” I really hope this doesn’t cause Hilary to have one of those oh so popular Disney meltdowns that she has been able to stay away from all this years.
Although if she does, I will be right here to write about it happily. Because I enjoy the hate mail.