In the immortal words of Regina George: “Stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s not going to happen.” But you can go ahead and substitute ‘fetch’ for ‘fur-lined Birkenstocks’ because they aren’t going to happen either.?
A wise man once said that money can’t buy taste. It’s a blessing in disguise that us regular Joe’s don’t have to worry about buying ugly and expensive things, so it’s our civic duty to remind the rich folk that just because something is expensive, doesn’t mean it looks good. Let’s proceed, shall we?
#5 – Sarah Jessica Parker’s Socks ‘n’ Sandals
Certain allowances have to be made for celebrities out running errands, such as SJP is doing here. It’s not a red carpet, and nothing screams “Look at me, I’m famous!” like picking up a pint of milk in six-inch Louboutins and a bandage dress. But here’s the thing – it would literally take three seconds to whip off those socks before you throw on the admittedly awful-but-still-just-about-understandable shoes. In fact, the downright hideousness of those socks just makes people wonder what you could possibly be hiding underneath that could be worse. Claws? Scales? Enough hair to qualify as a resident of The Shire?
You’re never going to shake off the Carrie Bradshaw label, Parker, no matter how awfully you dress.
# 4 – Justin Bieber’s Ridiculously Saggy Jeans
There was a time when the drop-crotch was the sole territory of certain rappers, and the world joined together to make sure that the trend was banished into a time warp, sent far inside the mysterious dimension known only as ‘The Nineties’. There it lay dormant for almost twenty years, until Bieber, pop’s latest little ragamuffin, accidentally stumbled across ‘You Can’t Touch This’ ?whilst on a midnight YouTube listening spree and under the light of a full moon, unleashed the horror on the world once more.
The moral of this story is that normal jeans are just fine, and have the added bonus of not making you look like either a toddler that needs changing or the newest member of LMFAO.
#3 – Miley Cyrus’s Furry, Bedazzled Birkenstocks
It’s physically painful to ignore the fact that Miley ‘WHAT DISNEY, NOPE, NOT ME, NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT’ Cyrus is walking around the streets of New York City in what is essentially a sports bra. It’s even more difficult to stop myself projectile vomiting from jealousy over her abs and downright tricky to get past the part that those trousers are allowed to exist. But if you manage to make it all the way down, you’ll notice what is quite possibly the biggest crime against fashion since the Versace murders. Those aren’t just Birkenstocks. Those are mink-lines, jewel encrusted $910 sandals from Celine. She actually paid almost a grand to look like she’s on her way to a Liberace-inspired yoga class. Don’t let Ugg Australia see these, or we’re in for some horrible Birkenstock-Ugg boot hybrid.
#2 -?Rita Ora’s Loud Crop Top
…And whatever the hell is going on here. Is she a basketball? Is she a secret agent who’s going undercover as a sexy tribute to Noddy Holder? She’s preparing to board a flight here, so I get that baggy trousers might be comfortable for that, but a crop top? Even with abs of steel, most women should possess the foresight not to wear something that shows off your stomach in a situation where you are going to be sat down for long periods of time. Unless you’re the kind of person that likes to store things in their fat roles for later use, in which case, I am right there with you.
#1 – Anything Katie Price Would Wear
This might not be the most insane thing about this photo, but the book that she’s promoting here? It’s set in modern times. Which means that the last possible scrap of reason clinging to this train-wreck just went swirling down the drain. Courtney Stodden’s probably looking at Katie right now and telling her to reel it in a bit. I feel bad for criticizing the outfit choices of pregnant women, but this might be a very notable exception. The poor kid’s got no chance.
CNJ says
Number 2 made me laugh out loud. Thanks!
Val says
“Anything Katie Price would wear” HAHA
kiki says
OMG I litterelly laughed my head of at number 4. lol