Jenny McCarthy is delusional and doesn’t seem to realize she peaked over a decade ago. She’s like the less leathery version of Pamela Anderson, without the billionaire sugar daddies but thankfully a better plastic surgeon.
McCarthy was recently hired by ABC to replace Elisabeth Hasselback on The View, because replacing one ill informed crazy blonde with another one is always a good idea. On her first day, she decided to make herself seem super down to earth by telling everyone she thought her current boyfriend, Donnie Wahlberg, was gay because he didn’t immediately thank her profusely for gracing his presence with her stunning plastic beauty.
Seems if a guy doesn’t drop to all fours to lick McCarthy’s little piggies with gratitude, he must prefer to catch rather than pitch. Jenny says she met Wahlberg on the set of her Vh1 show earlier this year. While not so subtly calling him a downgrade, she describes how she was so desperate for some human peen, she lowered her standards to give Wahlberg her number.
“I went a year without dating anybody. So I don’t know if I was really randy or really ready, but he was there and I gave him my phone number. I’ve never given a guy my number, but I was interested.”
I guess the less talented Wahlberg brother looked better than that cucumber on the craft service table, which I am sure the vegetable was very grateful for. Anyway, after resisting the urge to go downtown vegan style, McCarthy was totally dumbfounded when Wahlberg didn’t call her right away.
What kind of guy doesn’t immediately Facebook friend/Follow on Twitter/Add to their LinkedIn circle?! That is how courting works now a days. So, the natural conclusion is that he must be on team “Matt Bomer” (which really, who wouldn’t want to be. ).
Here’s how it probably went in Wahlberg’s mind. He had way too much to do practicing his Tootsee Rolls and Butterflies for his band’s “Making 40 Year Old Women Panty Drop” tour, plus he was hoping his newly bought Rogaine would work it’s magic a little to combat his ever growing sixhead.
So he decided to wait a little bit, Google 20 year old Playboy spreads to get a sneak peak of what he was getting himself into, and hide his children’s vaccination records before resurrecting the archaic practice of using the telephone. Little did he know that McCarthy would eventually throw his wrinkly ass under the bus to boost her own ego.
The only saving grace for Jenny McCarthy is that she did hit on a 44 year old boy-bander still clinging to fame so he doesn’t have to be known as Marky Mark’s older brother. I can see why she was confused by his lack of enthusiasm. But really, if McCarthy knew anything about NKOTB, she would know their gay quota was already filled.