At the last count Clint Eastwood was roughly 6,000 years old – and yet he can still beat you in a fight, you pathetic pussy.
Yeah, that’s right. Clint Eastwood thinks you’re a pussy. You know that time you had an argument with your neighbour and decided to back off instead of attacking him with the back of a shovel? Clint Eastwood knows about that, and he thinks you’re a pussy for it. You pussy.
Clint Eastwood has given perhaps the best interview of all time to Esquire, and it’s all about how much of a pussy you are. No joke.
As a 78-year-old man, logic dictates that Clint Eastwood should spend his days mumbling things like “I know what you’re thinking; did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth I can’t even remember where I put my slippers or the names of any of my children,” and “Make my day – empty my colostomy bag.”
But that’s not what Clint Eastwood is doing at all. In fact, Clint Eastwood’s new film Gran Torino sees him play a violent, bad-tempered old bastard who beats up Asians a lot and looks like he wants to punch the world in the face. And that must have been a stretch for Clint Eastwood, since in real life he appears to be a violent, bad-tempered old bastard who looks like he wants to punch the world in the face. Nothing about beating Asians up, you see. A stretch.
Actually we’re just assuming that’s how Clint Eastwood is, based on the jaw-dropping interview he’s just done with Esquire. In short, it seems to suggest that everyone younger than Clint Eastwood is a pussy and everyone older than Clint Eastwood is dead, which leaves Clint Eastwood as a sort of God-figure who’d be quite happy to break everyone’s nose if he had to. Again, no joke:
“We live in more of a pussy generation now, where everybody’s become used to saying, “Well, how do we handle it psychologically?” In those days, you just punched the bully back and duked it out. Even if the guy was older and could push you around, at least you were respected for fighting back, and you’d be left alone from then on.”
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Elsewhere Clint Eastwood’s points seem to be a) people who think about things are stupid, b) stupid people deserve to die and c) what’s with all these young folk with their piercings and haircuts these day? They sure do look strange.
Of course, there’s a chance that Clint Eastwood is just playing up this side of his persona because it suits Gran Torino, but we sort of hope he isn’t – after all, he didn’t promote Million Dollar Baby by helping disabled women bite their own tongues off, did he? No, we want Clint Eastwood to be like this all the time.
In fact, more than that, we want Clint Eastwood to use this anger to start a vigilante pussy-fighting group for elderly male celebrities. Would you talk openly about your feelings if you thought that Kofi Annan would chase you down and kung-fu you in the throat? Would you earnestly listen to the music of Paolo Nutini if it meant that Sir Donald Sinden would break into your house at night and smash your kneecaps with a breezeblock? No you wouldn’t. Make it happen, Clint.
Read more:
ZOE says
omg! your an a-hole!