Hey, Death-Fixated Perverts! Watch The Jimi Hendrix Sex Tape!

These dead people, honestly, they’re disgusting - and not just because they smell and are dead all the time, either.

It’s because dead people just can’t stop making sex tapes at the moment. Just a few weeks after word of the Marilyn Monroe sex tape got out, it’s now been claimed that the equally dead Jimi Hendrix also made a sex tape with a couple of women. And best of all, the Jimi Hendrix sex tape is actually for sale!

True, most who have actually seen the Jimi Hendrix sex tape seem fairly certain that it’s a fake and that it’s mildly insulting for Jimi Hendrix to be attributed to some pornography just because it stars a black man with an afro and facial hair, but put yourselves in the distributor’s place - a famous face always makes more money, so it was always either going to be the Jimi Hendrix sex tape or the That Bloke Out Of TV On The Radio Sex Tape, and who’d buy that?

Jimi Hendrix may have choked to death on his own vomit 38 years ago, but he’s still as zeitgeisty as ever. Jimi’s take on fashion was iconic, his virtuoso guitar technique is still the high watermark for musicians to aspire to and - boy oh boy - his image-defiling energy drink sure is delicious!

But, more than that, Jimi Hendrix might have also managed to preempt the current fad for celebrity sex tapes. That’s right - if you believe Vivid Entertainment, Jimi Hendrix is now up there with A-listers like Kid Rock, Paris Hilton and that woman from Sex And The City because some alleged footage of him having it away with a couple of women has been unearthed.

And we’ll have none of this Marilyn Monroe sex tape ‘Ooh, let’s hide it and respect the dignity of the dead’ kerfuffle - this time copies of the Jimi Hendrix sex tape will go on sale to the public! Now you finally know what to get your office’s friendless, death-obsessed pervo sickball if his name comes up in the Secret Santa this year! Yay!

However, just because the Jimi Hendrix sex tape is for sale, it doesn’t mean that it actually stars Jimi Hendrix. As Reuters reports, the identity of the sex tape’s star is being contested:

The musician’s longtime girlfriend during the 1960s, Kathy Etchingham, told the New York Times after viewing still photos taken from the footage: “It is not him. His face is too broad and nose and nostrils too wide for Jimi.”… But Vivid said it consulted with several experts to authenticate the footage, including… Cynthia Albritton, better known as Cynthia Plaster Caster, famed for making plaster molds of celebrities’ genitals, including those of Hendrix.

Listen, it is Jimi Hendrix in the tape, OK? The word of a woman who briefly plunged Jimi Hendrix’s knob into a mould once four decades ago and now dines off that solitary fact on an official website where the menu bar is a stack of ejaculating penises should never be doubted. Never!

So let’s just assume that the Jimi Hendrix sex tape is genuine. And, so soon after the Marilyn Monroe sex tape, too. It seems like there’s a pattern emerging here, doesn’t it? So place your bets now! Which dead celebrity will be the next tawdry sex tape star? Will it be Elvis Presley? James Dean? Grace Kelly? Pope Gregory II? We’re giddy with anticipation!

Read more:

Purported Jimi Hendrix sex tape sold online - Reuters