The Da Vinci Code movie is out soon, and is causing a right mess amongst religious groups, who are all outraged that Tom Hanks and that Amelie girl are going to be in a film about Jesus painting the Mona Lisa or whatever.
But enough is enough. Tom Hanks is fighting back against all the Da Vinci Code critics who are saying that Hanks is going to hell and the name of Jesus is being desecrated and everyone who bought The Da Vinci Code book would have been better off buying a Phillip Roth novel and that Tom Hanks' long hair looks really crap in the Da Vinci Code trailer. And stuff.
For a hokey airport book, The Da Vinci Code has caused a whole heap of controversy. There have been rip-off court cases by people whose names are anagrams of Da Vinci Code characters, tourists carting their copies of The Da Vinci Code to Paris and spoiling everyone else's fun by talking loudly about how much where there are is like page 132 of the book, and – most recently – Catholic cardinals throwing huge tantrums about the book and forthcoming movie.
But now Tom Hanks is flexing his aggression muscles in defence of The Da Vinci Code movie. It's rare for Tom Hanks to get angry – except for those few seconds where he started swearing at the Oscars – usually he's happy just to bumble around teaching politeness to actors and making films about lovely old men drinking coffee. But these Catholics getting in the way of box office success? No freaking way, buster, as Tom Hanks told The Evening Standard:
"We always knew there would be a segment of society that would not want this movie to be shown. But the story we tell is loaded with all sorts of hooey and fun kind of scavenger-hunt-type nonsense. If you are going to take any sort of movie at face value, particularly
a huge-budget motion picture like this, you'd be making a very big
mistake. It's a damn good story and a lot of fun… all it is is dialogue. That never hurts."
So there you go. Hey, Catholics, why all the fuss? Don't boycott The Da Vinci Code because of a few lines of harmless dialogue about Jesus. Boycott The Da Vinci Code because of Tom Hanks' haircut. Because it really does look very very shit indeed.
[story by Stuart Heritage]