When people talk about Michael Jackson now, it tends to be about boring stuff like the well-being of his children.
BORING. We don’t want to think of Michael Jackson as a corpse with a complex legacy. We want to remember Michael Jackson as he was in his prime. On, say, January 27th 1984 – the day that Michael Jackson was caught in an explosion on a Pepsi commercial and suffered horrific burns to his face and scalp.
Well, thanks to a video by Us Weekly, we can all relive that harrowing moment time and time again. Thanks Us Weekly! You’re the best!
The Michael Jackson toxicology tests haven’t come back yet, so we can’t be sure of exactly how many different kinds of industrial-strength painkillers he was on. But it seems fairly certain that the man had an addiction, and the addiction is what killed him.
If we want to properly understand Michael Jackson’s painkiller dependence, however, we need to trace it back to its genesis. And that would appear to have begun directly after his 1984 Pepsi commercial, which Michael Jackson fans will remember as the moment when a set of mistimed stage explosions left Michael with second and third degree burns across his scalp and body.
That moment didn’t just mark the start of Michael Jackson’s addiction to the painkillers that would ultimately kill him, but it was also thought to be the birthing point of the plastic surgery obsession that would slowly transform Jackson into the washed-out, hollow-eyed freakshow that he sadly became in later life. So, really, the Pepsi commercial accident marked the precise moment when Michael Jackson’s life started spiralling out of control. Not to be too melodramatic, but when he was caught in that explosion, Michael Jackson began to die.
Luckily, no video has ever been released of the accident, sparing us all from the torturous experience of watching the crystallised moment when Michael Jackson’s life began to nosedive into oblivion. Wait, what’s that? Us Weekly has got a video of Michael Jackson’s accident? You mean we can really see Michael Jackson flailing around in agony with his head on fire? In slow motion? With a morally-questionable soundtrack of needlessly doomy music? AWESOME.
Here it is. Be warned, though – it’s a little bit grim, and just as tasteless…
We think we speak for everyone here when we say “euch”. Our only real regret is that we weren’t present in the Us Weekly meeting when they decided exactly when would be the appropriate time to show a video of Michael Jackson thrashing around on fire and experiencing the worst pain of his entire life. Straight after his death? No, too soon. Two months after his death? No, too late. Exactly three weeks after he died? Yes! Perfect! Bingo! This distressing video is going to make us rich! Rich!
Actually, we sort of hope that this tactic of crystallising the exact moment that led to a celebrity’s death is one that Us Weekly continues in the future. Maybe next week it’ll run an exclusive video of the first time Heath Ledger had trouble falling asleep at night or – better yet – never-before-seen footage of David Carradine walking into his first cupboard and realising that it had given him an erection.
Yes, there’d be nothing wrong with that at all.
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Cat G says
“David Carradine walking into his first cupboard and realising that it had given him an erection”
Brilliant.
Kaylee. says
Water came out of my nose from laughing – that was fabulous.
Kaylee. says
I was drinking water, by the way. I don’t just have a weird watery nose.
Karla says
Oh my god, that’s hilarious. Not the video, the article.
gram says
I cannot believe all of this MJ coverage. A creep turns to hero over night, but that guy could certainly dance, I will give him that. Can you believe The MJ news slowed down the entire internet? I read about it here…http://www.expertsem.com/2009/07/09/the-michael-jackson-effect/
Tracy says
OMG! I actually found a web site that dogs him? Ha..
He was a total GOD~in the music industry..I Mean TOTAL GOD!!! People would worship this Man….There’s way more fans of his than that are not..Obviously..you are very few..lol..and..I Love it!!..People LOVE this man…which..I think is so F*&kin funny!!
cause..it seems to eat some of you alive..I bet it just kills you guys when they say He’s Bigger than Elvis..or..the Beatles..
(even The damn Music Producers and The big celebrities themselves say it)
which..There is ~No Doubt about that..
I think Its so awesome that he slowed the Internet..shows what a Huge star he was..
oh..and as for the Freak thing?? No..He def. was not freaky looking..Sexy..with the prettiest smile and eyes I have ever seen on ANYONE~ I Love Michael Jackson!!! R.I.P~
JoeMomma says
Yeah Tracy, some people weren’t all pie eyed when they saw a no talent hack jump around looking like an electricuted zombie. Some people also don’t forget that he was charged twice touching kids and got off because he paid out a large amount of sums. People also don’t forget that he flew off to Saudi Arabia because human rights there are non-existant. Finally some people we’re not dropped on their heads as children and force fed flouride to be stupid enough to belive that this person was anything special.
TAWANNA says
Michael Jackson was and still is thr greatest and to all you haters you should stay off of the sites that talk about him. It was in POOR taste for USWeekly to release that video. Michael had to take so much crap because of what the media put out there about him that wasn’t true, it was only to boost ratings. I agree that there was NOTHING FREAKY about this BEAUTIFUL MAN, he had one of the most beautiful smiles. R.I.P. to The King of Pop who was in fact larger than Elvis, John Lennon and The Beatles. Michael was loved all over the world and there is nothing you losers can do about it except…. ACCEPT AND DEAL WITH IT HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
huh says
Nothing freaky? Right, except for looking like the undead there, being off his rocker, dangeling a baby over a railing, touching kids, e-bay addiction, 30 second relationships with women, going broke, having a pet monkey, living in Saudi Arabia, etc etc etc…
Repeat after me: “I like Micheal Jackson because I am a moron”. Yes, the first step is always the hardest.
Jo says
I agree that MJ was the King of Pop but who in their right minds can honestly say he wasn’t freaky? It is ALWAYS unacceptable to molest kids and then throw a shitload of money at the problem to make it go away.
He made himself look like the living dead due to his desire to be white-skinned. Thought it didn’t matter if you’re black or white? It would appear MJ didn’t entirely agree with that statement.
The addiction to painkillers is no big deal, by the sound of it most of the population of Celebville shovel drugs down their necks in bucket-loads. If not please explain to me how they stay so thin and yet still have the energy to jump about on stage? Good diet, exercise and clean living? Or filled with the old Colombian marching powder washed down with booze and mebbe topped up with Vicodin and god knows what else? Maybe I am too cynical, but get real people. Money, drugs and power fuel the entertainment industry.
However, I digress. Just as David Carradine will be remembered more for the undignified way he died rather than his acting talent, Michael Jackson will be remembered more for the fact that he was a rather creepy looking kiddy-fiddler than for the excellent entertainer he once was. Sad, but true.
jay says
your a hater that needs lots of love that u never had before get a life hater
middie says
MJ=a man with good & bad…..
good
one of the best singers….a good dancer…..his songs always lead peaple to a better path which is the most important thing of all……
bad
As mentioned above by others, his character was spoilt………
But whatever he has done it doesn’t really matters……The most important thing is whether we buy his bad character and throw him out or whether we take the good in his songs & make our lives more valuable…….choise is always up to u ……!!! I think u get it…!!
JoeMomma says
Middie
Better Path? Meaningless pop songs like Thriller, Billy Jean, Beat It?
Gimmie a break.
Tracey says
LMAO you are funny. Gotta say I laughed my ass off when I saw this video. Why did he keep spinning around even when he was on fire ?
Shooty* says
I still prefer the one where Anthea Turner gets both her hair set on fire AND hit by a motorbike. THAT, right there, is purely comedy gold, my friends.
mel says
i agree he does
m says
I think it is really sad people in this world would even go here. All these people ever did was have a dream. And unfortunately that dream cost them their life. All because of the lies, and the lack of privacy. God bless all of them! I doubt any of you are perfect. Most of you haters don’t have much of a life, and if you had a life like any of these I could imagine what would be said about you!
middie says
yea i agree. not every song ….only a very few songs …..but don’t u think that it’s better to admire the good work done by him and take something to your life , than just waste your valuable time even to think about his wasted personal life…..!
Robyn says
Thank you Jo, a sensible post at last. This happens whenever a celeb dies; people become utterly blinkered and unable to see past the entity they have chosen to remember him or her as, whether it be an untouchable god or a vile piece of filth. There is a happy medium. MJ was messed up beyond belief but it didn’t stop him making great music . . . and by the same token, he was a fantastic musician but it didn’t stop him being a deeply disturbed individual.
That old chestnut “don’t speak ill of the dead” is so ridiculous. Why not? Surely the truth is the most important thing of all? He may be a legend but the fact that he died doesn’t miraculously erase all of the bad stuff which may or may not have happened at / to / because of him.
inaeja says
well all music i hear are either rap,hiphop,r&b,jazz but michael jackson was a good singer. he inpressed alot of people and his father before michael died he said a few things like i love this world and i would never forget it. he said that he loves his son and wished that he can spend the rest of his life with him. music is a good thing to remember somebody by that really loves those songs. like when i was 11 my uncle died and i felt really bad i thought that it was all my fault.But my mom said that it was not my fault about his death and she said he died by a good cause.
inaeja says
well scooty if that was you getting your whole head on fire and getting hit by a motorbike would you be happy about that? or would you have everyone you know laugh at you for stupid things like getting hit by a motorbike? if that was me i would not talk about someone that has gotting hurt or something like that. i have a question for you scooty is she dead because if she is my uncle died when i was 11 years old?