There's an increasing chance that you might walk soon into a record store and say "Can I have a copy of Omg Is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like by Britney Spears," and the shop assistant will punch you for asking for a Britney Spears CD.
But the punching part isn't news – record shop workers have been punching people who like Britney Spears for almost a decade now – the news part is that Britney Spears might be calling her new album Omg Is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like, and it's down to you to choose. Well, not you specifically – Britney Spears is letting members of her fan club choose the title of her new album. The members of her fan club that didn't run away when she went berserkoid a few months ago. So basically the story is this: Britney Spears is letting three teenage girls and a pervert choose the title of her new album.
Modern day celebrities are so processed through an army of stylists, publicists and managers that finding even a speck of personality behind their grinning gonk eyes and machine-fed answers can be near-impossible. It must be as frustrating for the celebrities as much as it is for us, though, judging by how many of them take to the internet to share their undiluted thoughts with their public.
For instance, thanks to her blog we know how Rosie O'Donnell feels about leaving The View, and also how much she likes the musical output of Cyndi Lauper; thanks to his blog we know that Brian May hates everything and thanks to his emails we know that Lee Ryan probably wasn't paying attention at school. But the queen of getting in touch with the public through the internet is Britney Spears, possibly because when she tries to use non-online forms of communication she either smashes up cars, decides that she is the devil or lifts up her skirt so her vagina can address us directly.
And when she writes on her website, Britney Spears tells us exactly what we want to hear – whether it's how stupid her husband is, her implausible love of tigers, an embarrassed vagina apology, a garbled affirmation of her religious beliefs or just a lot of shit about herself that doesn't make any sense – but all that counts for nothing now that Britney Spears is using her website to choose the name of her new album.
Just as Hillary Clinton wants us to pick her campaign song to try and engender some sort of connection to her, this act seems to be Britney's way of trying to build a rapport again with the people who freaked out when she turned into a mental. But what are the album titles that Britney Spears wants us to choose from? In a message on the official Britney Spears website entitled You'll Never See It My Way Because You're Not Me (it's OK, we'll get over it), Britney writes:
Britney is asking her most die-hard fans for some assistance in order to name her upcoming album.
Possible Album Titles:
1. Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like
2. What if the Joke is on You
3. Down boy
4. Integrity
5. Dignity
As we've mentioned, you need to be a member of the Britney Spears fan club to have a say. We're not members, but we can use our ungodly power of influence on those who are, so here are our thoughts on naming Britney's new album:
1. Sort of clever, but the final 'like' is superfluous and makes Britney sound like one of Ant and Dec.
2. Wow, it was all a joke? A joke on us? Cor, we feel mighty silly for laughing at that picture of you barfing in a dude's lap now that you've pointed out that it was all a joke on us. You scamp, Britney.
3. Obviously shortlisted because it was how Britney Spears described the way her son fractured his skull falling off a chair to social services.
4. Inaccurate.
5. See above.
People, people – we can do better than that, can't we? Britney Spears deserves an album title that announces who she is and what she's done, not a lot of sappy nonsense like Integrity. How about Britney: Back, Bald & Barking? Or I Promise I've Put My Vagina Away Now? If you've got any better ideas, leave them as comments.
Read more:
You'll Never See It My Way Because You're Not Me – Britneyspears.com
Mithaearon says
I have a few suggestions for her:
Rock Bottom, Bald Top
Pile o’ Shite
Daughter of the Devil (666)
Touch Me Where K’Feds Been Before
Never gonna Get it Back (Never Had it Before)
Bald Below, Bald Top
Dude says
Britney,
call it just:
‘BS – As is’
Debbie Tarasiewicz says
Britney F*CK everyone who kicked you while you were down. I’m a mother of 2 young boys, I think your a wonderful mother and person so at the end of each day britney remember the person who can judge you and that’s God, so I think your album should be “Only God can judge me” or “Who are you to judge me” something along the lines. Keep your head up girl u rock!!!!! But if it was my album it would be F*CK YA’LL!!!!!!! Lol I’m going through a similar situation minus the fame luv ya girl!!!!!!
JBollocks says
Possible Album Titles
“OMG everybody in the world has seen my fadge!”
“My fadge, my life”
“I am women, I am strong, everybody look at my vagina”
“Where can I buy some knicks?”
“Never mind the panties, I’m Britney!”
PS Deb, I really feel bad for you. “Lol I’m going through a similar situation minus the fame luv ya girl” It must be painful to have no knickers and a short dress without the pap to photograph it. Mind you, I always pay attention to girls with no panties.
You-Know-Who says
Shitney Spears: I’m Bringing Psycho Back.
Yeyah!
euclid says
TIRED – The Dancefloor Confessions
of a Former Fuckpuppet