Hellboy II Tops Weekend Box Office (Insert Tired Wisecrack Here)

Films about scaly, bright-red, middle-aged, barely-human creatures have been huge this year - just look at Sex And The City.

And now, adding to the list, is Hellboy II: The Golden Army - this week’s number one weekend box office movie. And Hellboy II should be proud of its achievements, too, because it managed to out-box office that film about lots of little Eddie Murphys living inside a big Eddie Murphy head. That’s impressive!

Actually, we’ll come clean and admit that we don’t know why so many people went to see Hellboy II: The Golden Army. We’re guessing that it’s because one of Bros is in it. Bros are still big, right?

Feeling beaten over the head by this summer’s never-ending onslaught of superhero movies yet? You are? Well tough shit, because Hellboy II: The Golden Army is top of the US weekend box office chart and there’s dick-all you can do about it.

Perhaps one of the reasons why Hellboy II has succeeded at the weekend box office is because of its director Guillermo del Toro. After all, Guillermo del Toro’s last film Pan’s Labyrinth was a critical smash, winning all sorts of awards like Scariest Monster To Have Eyes On Its Hands And Stuff when it was released. Is Hellboy II likely to repeat that success? Well, it has managed to make Ron Perlman look less weird, so maybe there’s a visual effect award or two in there somewhere.

Here’s the US weekend box office top five…

1 - Hellboy II: The Golden Army (One of the reasons we’re not convinced by Hellboy II: The Golden Army is that gold is a notoriously soft metal. You could probably see off a golden army with a decent carbide tungsten spanner, in fact. What’s the point of making a film about that?) $35,885,000

2 - Hancock (You know what we like? Films that have endings which bear no relation to any of the rest of the film. We love Hancock, in that case) $33,000,000

3 - Journey To The Centre Of The Earth 3D (The centre of the earth? Pah - if you want to see a movie that’s exciting and scary you should hang around for our new movie, Journey To The Centre Of London On A Replacement Bus Service Due To Unplanned Engineering Works. You’ll never be the same again) $20,580,000

4 - Wall-E (Wall-E is into its third week in the weekend box office top five, unlike Eddie Murphy’s Meet Dave, which couldn’t even get a top five spot in its first week. Somewhere in a parallel universe, maybe Wall-E got a Spice Girl pregnant and fucked up his career, too) $18,509,000

5 - Wanted (Sadly Wanted has now been overshadowed by the birth of Angelina Jolie’s twins. But it still managed to beat Meet Dave. Somewhere in a parallel universe, maybe Eddie Murphy isn’t an unpleasant wanker) $11,586,000

Read more:

Weekend box office - Boxofficemojo