Last night's Screen Actors Guild awards threw up some major upsets; for instance, when Helen Mirren, Forest Whitaker, Eddie Murphy and Jennifer Hudson won their SAG awards, it was easily the most unexpected thing since the sun rose this morning.
OK, the SAG Awards held last night genuinely couldn't have been more predictable. Helen Mirren won a SAG award for The Queen, Forest Whitaker won a SAG award for The Last King Of Scotland, and Eddie Murphy and Jennifer Hudson both won SAG awards for Dreamgirls, continuing the trend of an awards season that has seen barely any of them lose anything they've been nominated for. But, as well as a stomach-churning precursor to what looks likely to be the dullest Oscars ever next month, the SAG awards did conclusively prove one desperately important fact – that Forest Whitaker wouldn't be able to give a coherent acceptance speech if his entire life depended on it.
Of all the awards an actor can win, the SAG awards are among the most prestigious because they're voted for by their peers. Potentially everyone who has acted in a television series or movie in the past, from that gay-hating Grey's Anatomy bloke to that Jew-hating Sugar Tits bloke, had a hand in choosing the recipients of the SAG awards. You may question the reasoning behind allowing a bunch of people who wear wigs and repeat words in funny voices for a living to chose the winner of anything, but we wouldn't. Not us. No way.
When the SAG awards nominations were announced earlier this month, sprawling global depressoflick Babel picked up more SAG nominations than anything else, but come the actual SAG awards Babel was nowhere to be seen, with the winners instead being… oh come on, you know who the winners of the SAG awards are. If you didn't read the headline – which we think spells it out pretty well – then chances are you'll have guessed, because the winners of the SAG awards were also the winners of every other award available to them. Take Helen Mirren in The Queen for example; by donning a wig and a horrible hat and looking all gloomy, Helen Mirren has been given Golden Globes, Venice Film awards, Film Critics awards, Oscar nominations and mental God-censoring editing from a weirdo airline.
The same can be said for Forest Whitaker, whose planet-sized portrayal of Ugandan dictator Idi Amin in The Last King Of Scotland has earnt him almost as many plaudits as Helen Mirren, proving once and for all that miserable old ladies and genocidal maniacs are the new dead cowboys. There's one small difference between Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker, though – that's that at the SAG awards Helen Mirren actually spoke words while Forest Whitaker mumbled a selection of barely audible platitudes and half-sentences that nobody seemed to understand, like:
"I want to thank you for allowing me to have a moment like this."
There was one small upset at last night's SAG awards, however, and that was Little Miss Sunshine winning the Best Cast prize – a prize which more often than not ends up signalling the winner of the Best Picture Oscar. And since Little Miss Sunshine won the Producer's Guild award last week, the movie's hopes of Oscar glory have just increased – and that's not bad for a film with exactly the same ending as Napoleon Dynamite. Here's a full list of the winners at last night's SAG awards…
Female Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries – Helen Mirren, Elizabeth I
Male Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries
– Jeremy Irons, Elizabeth I
Actor in a Comedy Series
– America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Male Actor in a Comedy Series
– Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Ensemble in a Comedy Series
– The Office
Male Actor in a Supporting Role
– Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Life Achievement Award – Julie Andrews
Actor in a Drama Series
– Chandra Wilson – Grey's Anatomy
Male Actor in a Drama Series
– Hugh Laurie, House
Ensemble in a Drama Series
– Grey's Anatomy
Female Actor in a Supporting Role
– Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Male Actor in a Leading
– Forest Whitaker, The Last King Of Scotland
Female Actor in a Leading Role
– Helen Mirren, The Queen
Cast of a Motion Picture
– Little Miss Sunshine