Bad news, anyone who’s ever wanted to sleep with either Heidi Montag or Spencer Pratt – you have a malfunctioning brain.
Oh wait. No, what we meant to say was that – despite rumours to the contrary – Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are still an item. There were whispers that Heidi had moved out of the marital home on Monday, almost immediately after The Hills finished production, but that apparently couldn’t be further from the truth.
To prove how much they love each other, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have verbally reaffirmed their love for one another. They would have done it through photography, but Heidi’s surgery has made that impossible – it doesn’t matter what emotion she aims for, it always ends up looking like she’s straining for a poo.
These are anxious times for Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. The Hills is coming to end, which could also spell out their nightmarish, protracted 15 minutes of MTV sub-fame that they’ve enjoyed for the last handful of years. Soon enough we’ll have forgotten about them and moved onto a couple of witless choads from Jersey Shore, laughing at their dreadful music careers and hopeless attempts to grow beards and the fact that they’ve had so much plastic surgery that when they try to express emotion they look like there’s a rat trapped in their skull that’s trying to gnaw its way out instead.
And this period of change is bound to be hard for Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Already Heidi has fired Spencer as her manager and hired a psychic to take his place, and Spencer has forged a new career combating cyberterrorism. Can a marriage sustain itself through upheavals like that? Yes. Can a marriage between two eminently unlikeable fame-hungry todge-pieces like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sustain itself through upheavals like that? No.
That’s what everyone thought earlier in the week, anyway, when it was reported that Heidi Montag had upped and left Spencer Pratt for good. But Heidi and Spencer have dismissed those claims as untrue, which has also given them the perfect opportunity to rush to the press and yak on about themselves some more. So, in a way, everyone wins. Apart from everyone on the entire face of the planet who isn’t either Heidi Montag or Spencer Pratt. People reports:
“I’m not moving out,” Montag, 23, says. “I love Spencer with all my heart.” Adds Pratt, 26: “I love my wife more now than I ever thought I could.” She adds: “All that we’ve been through has only made us work harder at our relationship and making it better. We want to fall more in love with each other every day.”
Well that’s just… hang on, nauseous. Well that’s just… no, no, it’s no good. We’re literally just about to vomit all down ourselves. Write your own pithy ending.
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ebony says
These two muthafucks is cettified nut cases bottom line some people are just not strong enough to handle a lil fame…..holla at ya girl ebony Towm bizness