Heckletters: Write To Tara Reid

heckletters has been away for a while, we know. But calm down. Wipe those tears away. We’re back now. It’s okay. It’s okay.

For the initiated, heckletters is our weekly Monday gripefest in which we allow you, dear heckler, the chance to fill in the blanks on a letter already written and send it spiralling off to the celebrity in question.

This week? It’s the turn of walking tan-bottle Tara Reid.

Tara has decided that it’s time to quit ‘acting’ (ahem) and "settle down". hecklerspray - of course - has its own thoughts on the subject. Perhaps you might agree with us. If that is the case - and, boy oh boy, we hope it is - then all you have to do is scribble your name on the letter provided.

Excited? Bless you…

Here we go:

Dear Tara,

Hello. My name is ____________. To tell the truth, I’ve never really paid much attention to your career. I’ve always been aware of its existence, much in the same way I’m aware that there are groups of people who ardently extol the virtues of drinking your own urine - it’s not a scene I want any part of.

Then along came ‘Wild On Tara’.

Ah. What a television concept - you, dear Tara, travelling the world, dropping by various parties and generally having a great time with a bunch of sickeningly good-looking celebrities.

What a car-crash of a show. What a pointless, drifting, aimless, sub-Simple-Life mish-mash of horseshit that would make any sane viewer want to stick two pencils up their nose and then slam their head down onto the nearest hard surface. What a horrible thing to have unleashed upon the world, Tara.

A horrible, horrible thing.

There’s only one way to redeem yourself, Tara baby. And that’s to quit. To leap out of showbusiness altogether. To hide away from the media and never darken our screens (cinema or otherwise) again. Please.

PLEASE.

Hang on. What’s that? You’re going to? You’re willing to abandon your career as soon as you "meet your dream partner"? And you’ll never work on another project again?

Well… in that case… I know this is a bit sudden, but…

It’s me, Tara.

I’m your dream man/woman (delete as applicable). Take my hand and I’ll drag you away from that nasty public exposure. You’ll never have to work on another pointless, entirely meaningless and culturally-vapid ‘project’ again. Ever. Just come with me and it’ll all be over. The viewing public will never have to look at you ever again.

Dreams can come true, Tara.

Yours Hopefully,

Mr/Ms/Mrs _______________________

 Ready? Good. Simply slip that in an envelope and hoist it off to:

Tara Reid
c/o BWR Public Relations
9100 Wilshire Boulevard
Sixth Floor, West Tower
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
USA

Remember, boys and girls. Together we have power…

Read More:

Tara Reid Ready To Quit Hollywood - Female First

[story by C J Davies]