Heckletters: Write To Razorlight
Another week, another shiny new heckletter – your chance to fill in the blanks on a missive already written, then simply post it off to the crap / irritating / pointless public figure in question. We’re so good to you, you know that?
This week’s target is slack-jawed Razorlight (CDs) mutant Johnny Borrell, and the finer specifics of Saturday’s Live 8 performance. Anyone else see this horrorshow episode? Anyone else have a few ‘issues’ with what exactly young Master Borrell got up to in Hyde Park?
Here’s what you send, then…
Dear Mr. Borrell,
Don’t you think you should be ashamed? Just a little bit? Or – more accurately – a lot. A hell of a lot? Don’t you think?
Allow me to explain. My name is ____________. I was watching the Live 8 concert this Saturday. Now, while I agree that the whole thing was for a good cause, there were certain elements that left a bad taste in my mouth. It seemed to me, you see, that quite a few of the artists involved had a more… well… careerist slant on things than others.
Still, that wasn’t too bad. That’s to be expected. It’s okay to allow people like Madonna their overbearing publicity, I guess… as long as something good ultimately comes out of it.
But you, Mr. Borrell. You.
You.
Now, maybe I’m being an awful cynic here, but it appeared to me that your part in the show was point-blank THE MOST SHAMELESS, SELF-AGGRANDISING SEWER-SPRAY I have ever had the misfortune to witness in my entire life.
Are you seriously trying to say that – as you strutted around like some manically over-confident peacock – the fight against global poverty was at the forefront of your mind? Seriously?
Because it kind of looked like it wasn’t. It kind of looked like you were well-aware that a good few billion people were watching, and that this would be the ideal chance to elevate you and your piss-weak indie chums beyond the isolated ranks of the NME office playlist.
It kind of looked like you were treating this important event solely as one huge, sneering act of self-promotion designed to get Razorlight-unaware TV viewers straight down to their local record shop. It kind of looked like you were scrabbling across the corpses of starving children just to get your poodle-permed mug the sort of worldwide TV exposure you’ve probably craved since you first drew breath.
That’s what it kind of looked like.
Just so you know.
Yours Sincerely,
Mr/Mrs/Ms _________________________________
[story by C J Davies]
Lads, live 8 you where spot on, on good form, i have seen you perform a few times, but i have never seen you so fired up, great to see!!!!!
well done
P.S
TELL ALL THE DO GOODERS WHO THINK YOU ACTED WRONGLY TO GET FUCKED!
And now we hear that he’s not giving a penny of the money his worthless band made from the record sales that resulted from their Live 8 performance to Live 8-related charities. His excuse? “We’re young. We can’t afford to give the money away”.
You bastard. You utter, utter bastard. People in Africa can’t even afford to live, you selfish, worthless, talentless son of a bitch.
Die in a fire, Borrell. And take your terrible band with you.
Now, I quite liked Razorlight. I thought that ‘Golden Touch” song was quite catchy, and I have to admit I sing along to their Blow Monkeys counterfeited new track, Somewhere Else.
But, guys, you really aren’t THAT good! Okay, so a few students have got on the ‘What’s Cool’ bandwagon, but you’re not doing anything that ‘Teardrop Explodes’ didn’t do years ago and a hell of a lot better.
All this means is that you really can’t afford to be greedy at a time like this. While I can’t bear ‘do-gooders’ and Bob Geldof gets right up my bugle, with all the other bands contributing their proceeds do you really think your career is so safe that you don’t need to?
Well you’ve just put me right off.
Johnny Borrell = Total Twat
ive just found this page from the
http://www.johnnysrotten.com website
you are all totally right. Have you seen the school he went to.
Utter Utter selfish bastard and ill never be purchasing any of his godawful music again
Andy
Good work Andy, excellent site. It has enlightened me as to how much of a cockend he is, especially the remarks about heroin. What a twat.
For all of you dickheads that are having a pop at where johnny went to school, GET UR FACTS RIGHT!!
The big white house in the picture is called Kenwood House and its not a school!!!
What is it then, a lunatic asylum?
lol, theres a makerazorlighthistory.org now
genius!!!
Get rid of the pretentious cockend
johny went to Highgate Public School where Numerous Lord Mayors of LOndon, Cabinet MInisters, actors and MPS and musicians went. Here is an example of T.S Elliot (teacher), JOhn Betjamin, Gerard Manely Hopikins, Barry Norman, Geffrey Palmer, Murray Walker, Charles Clarke Home Secretary, John Venn the inventor of Venn diagrams, Sir Clive Sinclair, The president of Nigeiras Some, Abioloa, The Presiden of Tanzanias Son, Salmon Rudis son, Ringo Stars Son and ton more of very famous. He would have to have been brought up well to have gone there and be rich!
you’re all complete bastards. don’t you have anything better to do than slag off musicians and compile shit hate mail to them? do you not have lives? maybe rather than mercilessly diss a bloke who’s never actually done anything to you, you could use that time doing something to help the people you claim he doesn’t care about. seeing as you’re obviously not, it seems you are the false, pretentious arseholes. get over yourselves.
p.s: razorlight rule your ass.