Back in the days of our infancy – before many of you young whippersnappers had discovered the joys of the daily ‘Spray – we launced a campaign to send a petition to pop-muppet Daniel Bedingfield telling him exactly what we thought of him (i.e. that he was cack on an almost epic level).

This, we’ve decided, is called a Heckletter. And we’re going to be doing a lot more of ‘em…

Every week or so we allow lucky old you the chance to vent your spleen at a useless celebrity. All you have to do is sign your name to the letter we’ve kindly scribbled out for you and e-mail it (or print it out and slide it into your nearest big red postbox). Thoughtful of us, we’re sure you’ll agree.

Our first target is Jamiroquai (CDs) frontman and walking hatstand Jay Kay…

Jay has decided that what the world really needs – as well as his godawful new album – is the opportunity to buy clothes from his brand new fashion label. The car-collecting manchild is all set to launch a collection of "wild and wacky clothes" which will "start off with a small range of clothes at a few department stores across the country."

Needless to say, we think this is a bad idea. Some of you will probably think this too. But fear not! There is a solution! Simply fill in the blanks below and send the blighter off. Who knows? It just might work.

Dear Jay Kay,

My name is ___________. I’ve recently heard the news that you are to subject the nation to a brand new clothing range of your own design and – to put things mildly – I’m more than a little horrified.

Here’s a fact for you: Britain is already a badly-dressed horrorshow. Walk out of your obscenely large mansion and into the nearest town centre and you’ll see for yourself – a festering mass of chav scum, merrily bobbing up and down in a sea of medallions, Burberry and failed Burger King applications.

Face the truth, Jay: THEY DON’T NEED ANY ENCOURAGEMENT. As soon as you launch your selection of stupid hats and baggy trousers, every semi-literate dullard across the nation will be clamouring to get a pair. Your fashion enterprise will be a huge success in every Yates Wine Lodge this sceptred isle has to offer.

Sure – it’ll line your wallet. It’ll put a few more million pounds into that bank account of yours. But will it be worth it? Is money really everything, Jay? Is it?

Take a look in the mirror, Jay. What do you think your soul looks like? Really? Imagine it materialised into something solid. What form would it take? A flea-infested mattress rotting away in the back room of a Wigan brothel, maybe? Something like that?

Please, Jay. Reconsider this little business venture. Please. For the good of our society. Please.

Thanks a bundle,

Mr/Mrs/Ms _____________________

Finished? Good. Bet you’re feeling better already. Now forward that – ‘For The Attention Of Jay Kay’, remember – to SonyMusicOnline@sonymusic.com. Alternatively, here’s a snail-mail address:

Jamiroquai
Sony BMG Entertainment UK Ltd.
Bedford House
69-79 Fulham High St
London
England

See, kids? You can make a difference.

[story by C J Davies]