hecklerspray Gig Guide: 5-11/12/05

There is a famous saying that says "Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us." It’s just a shame that idiots like Rachel Stevens and Dido decided that they wanted their music out of their bodies before they die.

It’s time for another hecklerspray gig guide - all the finest acts touring the country in the next seven days squidged onto one cyber page for your human eyes to digest.

This week’s hecklerspray gig guide features Doves, Foo Fighters, Bob Geldof, Kubb, The Levellers, LCD Soundsystem, Madness, Maximo Park, Mercury Rev, Oasis and Primal Scream.

Doves - The more we think about it, the more we’re convinced that Doves is what
U2 should sound like, without without the singer that sounds and looks
identical to Chewbacca. Click for dates and tickets

Foo Fighters - It’s a fact that everybody’s Dad loves Foo Fighters.
A fact,we tell you, not just a semi thought-out idea that we just had. Click for dates and tickets

Bob Geldof - Christ, we’d love to see Bob Geldof in concert. We’d
imagine he’d just play I Don’t Like Mondays 62 times in a row and then
talk about how important he is. Click for dates and tickets

Kubb - You know how, when a band gets successful, a group of bands
that sound like them come out of nowhere? Kubb are one of the bands
that sounds like a second-rate Keane. Imagine what they sound like. Click for dates and tickets

The Levellers - Or to give them their full name: The Levellers? Fucking Hell, Are They Still Around? Click for dates and tickets

LCD Soundsystem - Just what the world needs: a fat American pretending to be Mark E Smith. Click for dates and tickets

Madness - We’re told that Madness are cool again. But are they cool
enough to cover Suggs’s version of Cecilia? Are they bollocks. Click for dates and tickets

Maximo Park - Funny-haired hecklerspray favourites and Mercury Music Prize nominees sing their spiky Geordie pop songs. Click for dates and tickets

Mercury Rev - Giant, otherworldly songs performed by a man with a funny squeaky voice. Click for dates and tickets

Oasis - They may as well just call themselves The Incredible Definitely Maybe Touring Machine and be done with it. Click for dates and tickets

Primal Scream - Primal Scream are a billion years old and haven’t
made a good album in five years. Live, they are either the best
performers on the planet or mindblowingly awful. Cross your fingers for
the former. Click for dates and tickets