Albert Schweitzer once said "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." Cats? Cats? Cats are shit! Keep a lid on it next time Schweitzer, you cat-loving fool.

Here’s this week’s hecklerspray gig guide, a handy digest of all the best live music that you’ll be able to catch over the next seven days…

Bloodhound Gang – Famous for that song about having sex like
wildebeests on the TV, the Bloodhound Gang are back to rock your world
with songs like A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is
Crying and Rang Dang – buy tickets
Sat 5 Nov 19:00, Cardiff University Students Union

Dizzee Rascal – Someone much younger and more street than us once
told us that Dizzee Rascal is both "Nekkle" and "Chung." Then they stabbed
us in the gut and stole our wallet – contact venues for tickets
Wed 2 Nov, Newcastle Digital
Thurs 3 Nov, Brighton Event 2
Fri 4 Nov, Nottingham Rescue Rooms
Sat Nov, Cambridge Junction

Donavon Frankenreiter – Laidback acoustic summery strummery from one of Jack Johnson’s less good mates - buy tickets
Tues 1 Nov 19:30, London Astoria

Gorillaz – Alex James from Blur once called Gorillaz "The Banana
Splits" Now it looks like Alex James will be on the new series of I’m A
Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here. We hope he’s very, very ashamed – buy tickets
Tues 1 Nov 20:00, Opera House, Manchester
Wed 2 Nov 20:00, Opera House, Manchester
Thurs 3 Nov 20:00, Opera House, Manchester
Fri 4 Nov 20:00, Opera House, Manchester
Sat 5 Nov 20:00, Opera House, Manchester

Mitchell Brothers – Sadly not Grant and Phil busting out some mad flow, these are instead the boys signed to Mike Skinner’s label – buy tickets
Sat 5 Nov 20:30, King Tut’s Wah Wah Hut, Glasgow

Motorhead – Three old men playing rock music so ferocious that your clothes will fuse with your skin. Gig of the week, surely - buy tickets
Tues 1 Nov 19:30, Rock City, Nottingham
Thurs 3 Nov 19:30, Cardiff University Students Union
Fri 4 Nov 19:30, Sheffield City Hall
Sat 5 Nov 19:30, Carling Apollo, Manchester

My Chemical Romance – It’s our theory that at any point in time
there is at least one American band touring the UK who play songs that
sound like the theme-tune to Buffy The Vampire Slayer. This is that
band at the moment – buy tickets
Thurs 3 Nov 19:00, Carling Academy, Brixton
Fri 4 Nov 19:00, Carling Academy, Brixton
Sun 6 Nov 19:00, Carling Academy, Glasgow

Mylo - This is how Mylo works: 1) Take a crappy old song from the
1980s, 2) Put whooshy noises all over it. Watch him do this… live – buy tickets
Mon 31 Oct 21:00, Spring And Airbrake, Belfast
Fri 4 Nov 21:00, Carling Academy, Birmingham
Sun 6 Nov 21:00, Carling Academy, Brixton

Princess Superstar – She’d be the female Eminem if she actually sold any records, you know - buy tickets
Tues 1 Nov 20:30, King Tut’s Wah Wah Hut, Glasgow

The White Stripes – All conquering lanky bloke/lady drummer return
to the UK to play all – all – the songs that sound like the Rugrats
theme-tune off their last album, and hopefully some good songs too - buy tickets
Sat 5 Nov 19:00, Carling Apollo, Hammersmith
Sun 6 Nov 19:00, Carling Apollo, Hammersmith