But if only I had known that before attending Marc Stroobandt?s masterclass and his nine-step technique to pouring the perfect pint.
Essentially, Marc is a Jedi among bar staff; a Yoda in slip-ons. He is the Beer Whisperer.
Yes, he can make beer talk to him, or something.
And, thankfully, this week he was prepared to share his demon decanting skills with a bunch of journalists and bloggers in the build-up to the UK finals of the Stella Artois World Draught Master Championships on October 13.
Yes, there really is a competition dedicated to finding the person who can get the maximum flavour from beer by simply pouring it into the glass the right way.
In fact, the UK winner will even get a chance to test their pouring skills at the 2010 Stella Artois World Draught Master Competition in London on October 28, where they will take on fellow national winners.
It is kind of like Mortal Kombat, but with heads of beer being lopped off rather than computer characters. In fact, it is nothing like Mortal Kombat, disappointingly. It is a serious business.
So after a botched attempt by me to repeat Marc?s nine-step technique provided more head than a barber’s shop window gallery, the last thing he wanted to hear from me was a joke. Particularly another joke about Belgians liking head that he had probably heard about a million times before.
He fixed me with his cold eyes and I knew then that my chances of following in his slip-ons were over.
It was a sad moment. Before my fumbled attempts, I had thought of entering the UK finals myself and, like Marc, envisioned living the good life of ?bringing rock ?n? roll to beer?.
According to his website, he ?gave up his law studies to travel the world and tell people around the world about beer, like Tin-Tin?. I must have missed that episode.
But you can tell he lives the life of an international jet setter. How do I know? Because no one normal has a ponytail like that.
He even has an honorary knighthood ? although, admittedly, it came from the Chevalerie du Fourquet des Brasseurs of the Confederation of Belgian Brewers.
It didn't matter, I wanted what he had and I was primed to show him exactly what I was made of.
But who would have thought pulling a pint was so difficult?
You would have thought all those years spent on the hazy side of the bar would have prepared me, but no. Once again, God spat in my drink and I will have to make do with a life spent being served pints of beer rather than serving them.
This article is sponsored by Stella Artois.