I guess Khloe Kardashian has been actively following my mediocre blog and was totally over me accusing her pregnancy of not being real, because yesterday she FINALLY took to Instagram to announce her pregnancy with boyfriend Tristan Thompson. Of course all my friends were like “Guess you were wrong, Krysta.” But I’m not 100% ready to commit to this pregnancy yet.
As you can see from her announcement pic, that could be ANYONE’S pregnancy stomach. TBH, that kind of looks like me, because even though I’m 23 weeks pregnant my obliques are fire and I own that bra, so there’s a very very good chance that bitch Khloe slipped me a Gravol (I get mad hazy on Gravol) and had me pose for that pic. WHO KNOWS???
If Khloe IS pregnant, it definitely deserves to be on my advent calendar of great moments in pop culture 2017, because she has wanted a baby for so long and really got screwed over by King of the Crack Fiends, Lamar Odom. I am genuinely super happy IF this news is true (I am a forever skeptic). However, if she is not pregnant and that really IS just a Gravol-drugged picture of me, it still deserves to be on my advent list because that pic has over 7 million likes on Instagram and the most I’ve ever gotten was like 200, and that wasn’t even a picture of me, it was a pic of my son when he was first born and it kind of looks like he’s giving the camera the finger. So this could be a really big deal for me.
All we need now is for that selfish little bitch Kylie to confirm or deny what’s going on with her womb, because apparently I feel VERY entitled to information about the state of the Kardashian/Jenner sister’s wombs. I’m essentially one of the bad guys from The Handmaid’s Tale…