Hecklergigs – Sugababes @ Newcastle Arena 11/4

No you didn’t read the headline wrong; we really did go to a Sugababes gig.

While we’re usually more geared towards dirty sweaty gigs that usually end up with us being sandwiched between burly members of the crowd, we thought that a performance from one of the UK’s most renowned girl bands would be a calmer affair. Of course we went on our own accord and weren’t forced into it by our other halves who threatened to MySpace bulletin a fake rumour around that we love Will Young. A time always comes when you’ve got to make some compromises. That just means next time we can drag them to an extreme rave night next time. Or possibly not. 

Toddling off to this Sugababes gig tonight was definitely a strange event on so many levels. For a start it took seconds to go over to the bar and get ripped off for the watered down beer they sell in horrible plastic cups. Always helps that about 80% of the audience tonight were under the legal age of consent for drinking. However on a plus side of things, you didn’t have some drunken twat randomly shouting stupid things between songs. Yes, you might think you’re hilarious but the other 10,000 people around you secretly want to physically restrain you. 

Before we even got near the arena, we anticipated tonight to be slightly warped and different to gigs that proper bands do. Not only did we seem to be the oldest there, but we also got that feeling that parents who believed it was be a 'cool' idea to buy their teenage daughters tickets. Of course, in the time between the tickets being bought and the actual Sugababes gig, their  faddy little cherubs have been influenced by some kind of musical fad like nu-rave or happy clappy emo. Sitting behind us were quite a few bored-looking kids who didn’t seem to be taken in by tonight’s performance. 

It’s a well known fact that the Sugababes change their lineup quicker then we change our underwear, so it was a relief to see that the lineup hadn’t altered from when we walked out the front door to catch the bus to the gig.

Another unwritten Sugababes secret is that you have to have a stupid name to gain access to their ranks, only to be booted out a few days later. Take ex-Sugababe Mutya for example, not exactly a name that rolls of the tongue. God knows where her name comes from. At the moment, but probable to change by the time this article is published, the current Sugababes line-up includes food-sounding Keisha, impossible to understand because she’s from Liverpool Heidi and Amelle, the new one. Hecklerspray feels we have a strong chance of being a Sugababe one day. 

Billed as a greatest hits tour, it certainly lived up to its name. From the beginning, songs you secretly know but won’t admit to were played all night. Red Dress began the show, but sadly the novelty of them wearing red dresses didn’t happen. Instead it was some kind of weird-looking silver space suit-style number. Jus to clarify, of course we went for the Sugababes' musical talent and not to perve from afar. 

The whole night was literally full of pretty much all the eighteen singles they’ve released over their five album career. From Round Round to Push The Button it was all there. Thankfully, the collaboration they performed with not really classical Brit artist but kind of anyway Sting did not get an airing. He was probably in one of his seven houses. Sadly, the girls did perform their utterly dire cover of Walk This Way. Never has a classic song been butchered so brutally. If any of Aerosmith were dead they’d be turning in their grave. Instead, Steven Tyler probably got some plastic surgery to block out the horrible noise we’ve had to endure for months. Yes it’s for charity, but its still utter bollocks.

There were two moments which made the night memorable for different reasons. Firstly, the Sugababes are known for happy and danceable music. However, during the track Stronger the entire fun of the night was zapped away with the lovely images of dying children being projected on the wall. Hmm, this was going somewhere and, of course, then came the speech about fighting poverty. Remember the infamous finger clicking video? That got shown and even fucking Bono even came on screen and preached on about things. He really gets everywhere unfortunately. Expect the Sugababes to hop on the bandwagon of bands pretending to give a toss about the environment at the upcoming climate change gig. Of course it's not free promotion to sell their own shit records. You listening, Razorlight? 

The second memorable moment gave us some cheap laughs. One of the band's covers included Rocks Off by Primal Scream. During the chorus the Sugababes made a desperate attempt to get the crowd to sing the chorus back to them. Problem being that most of the crowd had never heard of it, with them being so young, and they didn’t know the words. It fell flat on its arse to our amusement. 

Overall, a safe gig with no real outstanding moments, though Keisha did say 'shit' twice to the shock of many parents! Safe music to keep the girlfriend happy really. She gets to enjoy herself while you can laugh at her out of tune singing, thinking she’s the fourth Sugababe. Everyone kind of wins.