hecklerspray is a hugely successful blog. Why just yesterday our sources tell us that we popped up when Tony Danza did a google search on the word 'graceful'.
And that kind of popularity feels nice too, it really does. Even so, we know we've got to plan for the inconceivable. We know we can't always plan on advertisers throwing millions of dollars at us every month – that's why we've got a back up plan. Heaven forbid, if readership ever dries up, we are totally moving to Hollywood to become a mega-successful action star.
All the smartest people have a backup plan. We're told Bono was this close to opening a bakery just before The Joshua Tree hit. Should the need arise, we've heard Phylicia Rashad will fall back on butcher skills she learned in run-down trade school.
And rumour has it Heather Mills is shooting for a role on Desperate Housewives. Yup, everyone's got a backup plan.
Quotes like these have somehow convinced people Heather Mills is gunning for a role on desperate housewives:
"My girlfriend introduced me to Desperate Housewives, and I'm totally hooked."
I'm stressed… I just go and watch their characters. So I think I have the look of Bree, and I think I'm very like Lynette."
"I've always got, like, soy milk stains all over me and, you know, haven't been able to brush my hair properly, so I can relate to that."
We ourselves are not so sure those three quotations are enough to cohesively state a desire for television stardom. Other people disagree. Marc Cherry, executive producer and creator of DH, seems to think Mills' statements do equal a bid at show participation. He said:
"If Heather Mills McCartney can act I'd be interested."
Now there is no doubt Mills could convincingly play the part of a two legged non-hobbling woman, as she was one for many years. And her getting a steady job would surely be good news for Paul McCartney, a lock-changing almost ex-husband who Mills doesn't mooch of of at all. Does this mean one of the decade's most gossip-worthy divorces is about to turn all civil?Let's hope not – we've still got a butt-load of unused amputee jokes.
It's OK, we're allowed. Our right index finger was once swallowed by a lion.