When you get as famous as Paul McCartney, different people start to see you in different lights; be it as the cheeky chappy scouse poppet, the figurehead of popular music or the thumby fool who did the song about the frogs.

Heather Mills, though, has her own way of seeing Paul McCartney – as a violent, brawling spouse-abuser who only stopped bashing her about and stabbing her with wine glasses to dunk his face into a big bag of illegal drugs. If reports are true, Heather Mills is claiming in papers filed ahead of her billion-pound divorce trial with Paul McCartney that McCartney attacked her four times over the course of their marriage. We’re stuck for a pithy wife abuse joke here. If you know a good one, please let us know.