Chances are you'd probably put Heather Mills to the back of your mind lately, what with all these models dying and dogs belonging to sitcom stars almost winning prizes – Heather Mills knows this, and that's why she's gone to talk to the police.
Don't worry – Heather Mills hasn't gone to the police to get you arrested for not thinking about her as much as you used to. Or maybe she has. Look, we don't know OK? Heather Mills went to talk to Hove police yesterday because of 'issues' nobody knows about. Maybe the police wanted to talk to Heather Mills about something, maybe Heather Mills wanted to talk to the police about something, or maybe Heather Mills thought that policemen would be the best judges of her new line of 'My Husband Allegedly Stabbed Me In The Arm With A Wine Glass And All I Got Was This Lousy Baby' T-shirts. Chances are it was probably something to do with a death threat, though.
Since marrying Paul McCartney, all Heather Mills has had is trouble. And money, obviously – more money than you can possible imagine. And houses. And a jet-set lifestyle that's made her the envy of Sussex. So money, houses, a luxury lifestyle and trouble. But mainly trouble.
Nobody really knew the trouble that Heather Mills was getting until she split up with Paul McCartney and asked for all his money. Only then did we realise that – according to Heather Mills – Paul McCartney was all like stabby stabby stabby on Heather Mills' arm, attempted to claim ownership on her breasts, also beat up Linda McCartney while she was alive and is in possession of a daughter who wants to kill her. You'd think that after everything Heather Mills has been though, the British public would be right at her side demanding an apology from the national treasure who she accused of uncharacteristic violence, but that hasn't happened at all.
Instead Heather Mills has been branded a gold digger, a liar and – less relevantly – a potential star of Desperate Housewives. More seriously, though, Heather Mills has been given a panic alarm by police after her life was apparently threatened. That might be one of the reasons why Heather Mills went to Hove police station yesterday. E! Online doesn't know why Heather Mills talked to the police either, but it has some ideas:
Last month, her sister, Fiona Mills, posted a message on Heather's Website complaining about her sibling's horrible treatment by the tabloids and revealing that Heather's even received death threats, making her fear for her safety. Mills' rep, Phil Hall, couldn't say for sure what the sitdown with police was all about, but told the Times of London that his client has been unnerved of late. "She doesn't want to talk about it," he said. "She has been subject to death threats and there has been ongoing communication with Sussex Police about that. I imagine it's to do with that."
Yeah, well we imagine that it's got something to do with Heather Mills being upset that Brighton and Hove is quite cold this time of year and wanting the police to turn the sun up a bit, but you don't hear us banging on about it. Anyway, we can entirely understand Heather Mills' position – we've received the odd death threat here and there in the past too, although mainly by people who like Ray Quinn from X Factor and can't spell the word 'kill' properly – and it's not a nice sensation.
On the other hand, if we were in Heather Mills' position we'd have taken the first giant divorce settlement that Paul McCartney offered and used the money to build a giant four-legged gun out of rubies so we could ride it about town and show everyone who's boss. But that's just us.
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Barbara says
Love it! Seriously, I think she went to the police station because she attacked a photographer. There are pictures of her balancing on her fake leg while kicking him with her real leg. Guess it shows who was really abusive in the marriage – and divorce for that matter.
Lou says
How much are these giant four-legged walking guns? I’ll chip in and go halvesies with you
DeusXM says
Damn. From the headline, I was getting all excited that the one-legged golddigger was trying her luck with Sting.