With this in mind, you'd expect that Donald Trump would be locked away in his panic room at the moment until the threat subsides, but that's not how Donald Trump rolls at all.
Donald Trump believes in looking fear in the eye, which is why – rather than hiding from Heather Mills, he's invited her to become a judge in his Miss USA pageant. Miss USA, of course, is the beauty pageant that keeps getting brought into disrepute thanks to all those naked pictures from the contestants' past. That's got nothing to do with Heather Mills. We just happened to mention it. Ahem.
Although Heather Mills got £24.3 million in her divorce from Paul McCartney this week, she'd better spend that money frugally because there's probably not a soul on earth who'd employ her at the moment. Not only would Heather Mills disrupt the office with her constant squeals of 'Paedophile!' but also there's that little matter of the judge's insistence that she makes most stuff up.
But just when you thought that Heather Mills might have to go back to making disturbing naked German sex books for a living again, help has arrived in the obnoxious monkey-haired form of Donald Trump. Heather Mills has always maintained that she's more popular in America than the UK – although who knows how true that is anymore? – which means the ideal job for her now is something with word 'USA' in the title.
Like, ooh, say, a Miss USA judge? That's just what Donald Trump wants, says the New York Post:
Heather Mills is hopping onto US television again, this time as a judge on Donald Trump's Miss USA pageant… Trump yesterday shrugged off Mills' reputation as one of the world's most disliked media personalities. "So is Omarosa," he joked. "And look how well we've done with her. She's been through a lot," Trump said. "She has great courage and you have to respect her – she's been through the wringer."
Actually, perhaps Donald Trump has a bit of a point here. The more we think about it, the more we think that Heather Mills would be a perfect Miss USA judge. She's certainly forthright enough for the job, plus the wealth of experience she has will mean she'll be better equipped to empathise with the girls.
For instance, former Miss USA Tara Conner got in trouble for being at the centre of a humiliating sex scandal – and Heather Mills has to deal with all those reports that say she used to be a prostitute. Then there's former Miss USA contestant Katie Rees, who was arrested for kicking a policeman, while Heather Mills, um, wants people to drink rat milk. OK, the comparisons fall down there a bit, admittedly.
But the main reason is that Heather Mills has plenty of modelling experience which she can bring to the Miss USA table. Although if she does take the job Donald Trump should probably quietly remind Heather Mills that she shouldn't mark down the contestants because they haven't swathed their naked breasts in whipped cream and aren't chewing on a red jelly penis. The world of modelling has moved on since Heather's day, see.