People, we think we’ve found the root of all Heather Locklear’s problems – she’s about to star in a film with Billy Ray Cyrus.

It all make so much sense now – if you’d just spent several months making a family drama that nobody’s going to watch, and had to do it in the presence of Billy Ray Cyrus, getting tanked up on prescription medicine and parking your car in the middle of a busy motorway would seem like a perfectly sensible thing to do, too.

And now Heather Locklear has been arrested for DUI after allegedly doing exactly that, the director of this new movie has spoken out. Jim Amatuilli thinks that Heather Locklear’s DUI arrest is ‘sad’, especially since it followed Heather’s ‘solid’ work on the movie. Solid? That’s the best adjective he could drum up in her greatest hour of need? No wonder Heather Locklear went mental. And that’s not any solid. That’s solid compared to Billy Ray Cyrus. Honestly, next time just go for the more sympathetic ‘Oh, just kill yourself already,’ Jim.

Following Heather Locklear’s DUI arrest this weekend – and the accompanying mugshot that makes her look like she’s just been expelled from clown school – the race is on to uncover exactly what caused her problems in the first place.

On the surface it seems simple – Heather Locklear went to rehab and allegedly tried to kill herself because her alcoholic husband left her for her best friend. Essentially it’s an episode of Jeremy Kyle, but with better teeth.

However, if you ask Jim Amatuilli – the director of Heather Locklear’s new movie which co-stars Billy Ray Cyrus that we’re not even going to name because you’re not going to watch it anyway – then there’s another reason for Heather Locklear appearing to get shitfaced on prescription drugs and stopping her car in the middle of a state highway for no reason.

And that’s that she’s, you know, getting old and stuff. Jim Amatuilli told the New York Daily News:

“It is very easy to see the effects of the ‘show-biz’ environment, and the stress it puts on relationships and families. Add to that the pressure that women face as they get older and roles narrow, with so much ‘value’ put on superficial elements, it’s sad to watch the results play out.”

You hear that, Heather Locklear? Jim Amatuilli speaks the truth. And we agree with him – you now have three options to get yourself back on the right track:

1 - Get a proper job.

2 - Go back in time and dedicate yourself to learning your craft instead of just coasting by on a series of mindlessly trashy roles that you were only offered because you looked half-decent in a bikini and the producers all thought that you might let them have a go on your fanny if they booked you.

3 - Realise that your ageing face grows a new flaw every day, and commit yourself to a merciless lifetime of constant plastic surgery procedures that – while possibly convincing someone standing far away that you superficially look quite young – will remove all trace of your character, gradually warp you into a freakish featureless splotch and ensure that you only get picked to star in films like The Perpetually Unhappy Walking Scar From The Planet Botox in the future.

Either one’s fine.