It’s always the case of wanting but never having in hecklerspray’s world. We’d love to shout rude stuff to blind people, the local hobo and bus drivers who never stop for us.

But we’re scared of getting beat up off said people. And if that wasn’t bad enough, our mums might find out and then we wouldn’t get fish fingers and chips for tea. Just a slapped arse. And no-one wants that. Other people around the world have their own wants, too. The old problem of trying to have sex with someone famous has baffled stalkers for years, for instance. But now one company aims to help perverts/fanatics everywhere by producing super-realistic celebrity shag dolls. Featuring everyone from Jessica Simpson to Lindsay Lohan, the days off posh wanks are over! 

Stalkers, or hardcore fans as they prefer to be known, often come in for a bad rap. Some people out their just want their favourite celebrity to have a somewhat pleasurable time during their career. Britney Spears frequently gets packages of dildos sent to her house to either make up for the lack of rubbish men in her life or to crack over her slaphead. 

Girls Aloud even had stalker stories written about them. Sadly, not ones about fluffy kittens, magic rabbits that make lemonade or talking cows to comfort you about cheating husbands. No, it was a much more colourful tale filled with mutilation, rape and murder. Not one read to the youngsters at night. 

Putting two and two together and for once not getting five, we’ve noticed a connection here. These stories of fanatic celebrity following revolve around sex. We saw a video on it once. It seems that some people just want to become one with the person they desire. And not wanting to disappoint these slightly warped people, one company has risen to the task of helping people to pump their man love in to a celebrity. 

A company in America called Pipedream is offering sex dolls that look like famous women. Hubba hubba, now you can literally spend the night with Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Eva Longoria and Sarah Jessica Parker. Previous thoughts of kidnap, hostage-taking and threats of death for celebrity sex are now a thing of the past. If the sun shines brighter tomorrow, it’s because the world is a better place because of one less manic stalker out there.

Pipedream CEO Nick Orlandini says: 

“We don’t have one best seller but want to add Britney Spears and Madonna to the collection. Sales for all of them have been consistent with each other. There isn’t one that sells better than the others or worse.” 

After sex dolls, surely more celebrity endorsements will be a common practise. From the Pete Doherty syringe to the Amy Winehouse crack pipe, it’s a marketing dream. Being like our favourite star is becoming more of a reality. If this happens, we won’t have to go through their bins as much! 

Read more: 

Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba and Jessica Simpson get their own blow-up dolls – Showbiz Spy