As popular as the Harry Potter saga was, we couldn’t help but feel that its depiction of Hogwarts was somewhat lacking.

And specifically lacking one thing. That’s right – thousands of chronically sweating, morbidly obese directionless tourists in gaudily-patterned shorts who are all too busy filming everything for a 19-hour home movie that they’ll never watch to properly control their children. But now that’s all been fixed – Universal has revealed details of its new The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter theme park.

Warning: one of the rides is called ‘Flight Of The Hippogriff’. Don’t continue reading if you’re prone to violent tantrums.

Have you ever wondered what it’d be like to actually stand inside Hogwarts? You have? Is that because you’ve got such a startling lack of imagination that both the description of Hogwarts in the Harry Potter books and the actual physical representation of Hogwarts in the Harry Potter films appear to you as a jumble of randomly unconnected symbols and a parade of abstract, disassociated images? It IS? Well that’s just perfect, because The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter theme park has been created just for you.

You’d probably given up hope of ever seeing this, hadn’t you? You read about the Harry Potter theme park two and a half yers ago, and took the ensuing silence as a sign that the project had fallen through. Well relax, because Universal has just revealed details about the park, along with an announcement that it’ll open in Florida next spring.

So let’s cut to the chase – in The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter there’ll be a twin high-speed rollercoaster called Dragon Challenge and the aforementioned family ride Flight Of The Hippogriff, plus all the usual tat on sale in over-merchandised fibreglass gift-huts and backbreaking queuing systems that you’ve come to expect as standard from every other theme park on the planet. But we’ll let AP report on the park’s centrepiece:

The “Forbidden Journey” ride was named by author J.K. Rowling and described Tuesday by Universal officials in a Web cast revealing details of what the Potter park will look like. The ride will take guests through scenes and rooms from the blockbuster movies inside a richly detailed remake of Hogwarts Castle made to look 700 feet tall.

‘Made to look’ 700 feet tall. Whatever could that mean? Does anyone else get the feeling that it’ll be staffed entirely by hamsters dressed up in tiny little wizard hats? No? Just us?

Anyway, we’re expecting to hear of other attractions slated for future inclusion in The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter soon, such as The JK Rowling Experience, where you gradually lose the ability to self-edit and end up rolling around in a gigantic pile of money. Or The Emma Watson Experience, where you definitely don’t go in any helicopters whatsoever and you have to write an apology if you say that you did.

Anyway, if you want to try The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter, be sure to get there fast before it gets bulldozed to house The Vampiring World Of Twilight, which has been scheduled for completion 18 months after everyone stops caring about that as well.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter